Unsure what to do

[Grootie]

My husband and I have been raising our granddaughter for 15 years. She turned 16 in February. We have know for 5 years that there was something wrong. To make a long story short we just found out that she BPD. Wow this all so new for us. Not sure how to handle her now. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Long_term_dad]

My husband and I have been raising our granddaughter for 15 years. She turned 16 in February. We have know for 5 years that there was something wrong. To make a long story short we just found out that she BPD. Wow this all so new for us. Not sure how to handle her now. 

Hi Grootie,

Welcome!

I'm newish here and married to (and divorcing) someone who has undiagnosed BPD.  It's difficult to manage.  What helped me cope was learning about BPD and in that process feeling less alone and less crazy.  I spent years trying to figure her out, trying anything I could change within myself to make life with her happier and less dramatic.  All of those efforts yielded nothing but a sense of diminished self esteem in ME!  Once I was able to see that all that crazy-making stuff was common to BPDs, I was able separate the crazies from me.  The next big hurdle was to set boundaries which in my case was much harder to do, but once I set and kept those boundaries I was quite a bit happier faster than I expected.  In your case you will find what works, and this community is a motherlode of helpful people and information, so now that you're here, come back, share, and contribute and things can and will start improving.

Welcome!

[Panda39]

Hi Grootie,

I'm sorry for what brings you here, but am also glad you found us.  Welcome to the BPD Family 

I agree with Long_term_dad, the first thing I did when I found out about BPD was to hit my local library and start reading everything they had on BPD.  I think you first have to gain a good understanding of what BPD is. 

It's interesting because people with BPD (pwBPD) can create so much chaos, that it's hard to understand what's going on. I'm here because of my significant other's (SO's) undiagnosed BPD ex- wife (uBPDxw).  Early in our relationship, I found myself asking "why" all the time.  "Why" was his ex doing this or "why" wasn't she doing that, I felt a lot of confusion.  However once I learned more... .more about the mechanics of it, of the behaviors, the chaos began to make more sense. I was actually seeing patterns in her behaviors and the chaos was changing to something more predictable.

There are two books on BPD in general that I really liked, that you might find helpful too... .

Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul Mason MS, Randi Kreger

and

Overcoming Borderline Personality Disorder: A Family Guide for Healing and Change by Valerie Porr, M.A.

You've come to a great place for support, information, tools and even just a place to vent when you need to. 

Can you tell us more about your granddaughter? What kinds of things are you seeing that led you to BPD?  How are you doing, with this new information?

Take Care 
Panda39

[wendydarling]

Hi Grootie

I join Long_term_dad and Panda39 welcoming you to the community. I'm glad you've joined us for support, many grandparents and parents here are in similar situations to you, you are not alone.  Like Long_term_dad and Panda39 understanding why my 30DD (30yr dear daughter) was emotionally dysregulating, helped me understand how I can support my DD. I learnt, in little bite sizes, and at my pace, overtime with the wonderful support of parents, grandparents here.

How are you feeling Grootie?

We are here, with you.  

WDx