.Breaking up with my partner

[TishMorir]

Hi i'm Tish, this is my first post.
I, myself have BPD my partner who I recently ended it with does not.
Our relationship started off fantastic... .but as time progressed (and it didn't even take that long) I started to sabotage the entire thing and most of time I wasn't even aware of just how bad my mood swings were / "abnormal" behaviors. I became really impulsive such as going to my exes house, heavy drug us, self harming.
I felt like I was constantly being criticized for everything I did. Last weekend I made the decision to end things as I was harming the pair of us. Since then, even though we have been communicating (and he is very supportive), I feel completely alone. Even though I ended it, it feels like i've been abandoned. I am struggling to leave the house if at all. I am constantly crying, sleeping on my couch. I know my decision was for the best but I just feel like I am now all alone to deal with things. Struggling to cope.

Cheers for reading,
T.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[once removed]

hi TishMorir, and

you sound like youre in a lot of pain. im glad that you reached out to us.

tell us what the communication is like between the two of you at the moment. the nature, and the frequency, if you can.

[TishMorir]

Thanks so much for replying to my post!
It's reassuring knowing that someone else is out there... .
For a week we had no contact... .at first it made me feel like I could finally do the things I wanted... .A day after we broke up I made a tinder and set up three dates, I only went on one... .but that feeling was short lived and ended in carnage, it then evolved to severe anger, resentment and a tonne of sadness. I ended up contacting him on Saturday to tell him I had a bag of his things. We ended up meeting, he came to my place. We ended up going back to his, ordering food. We clarified things, got resentments out and it was therapeutic. I stayed the night and we did hook up... .we ended up having a long phone chat on the Sunday which was super emotional... .basically i went over what roughly is going on in my head and why I did what I did.
I had contact from him yesterday. He gave me his female friends number from NA to contact... .I feel like right now he genuinely has my best interests at heart ?
This evening he knew I wasn't coping... .low mood, sleeping during day so he came over with dinner, helped me tidy up then walked me to a CA meeting. I'm not long off the phone to him. I know I am really dependent on him which isn't healthy. But I am now questioning my motives. I wonder if I am clinging on to him out of fear of abandonment... .he is the only person in my life I have daily contact with. I also have so much fear surrounding doing things for myself by myself.

Cheers, T

[once removed]

I know I am really dependent on him which isn't healthy. But I am now questioning my motives. I wonder if I am clinging on to him out of fear of abandonment... .he is the only person in my life I have daily contact with. I also have so much fear surrounding doing things for myself by myself.

it does sound like there are a lot of conflicted feelings, which i can certainly understand and relate to.

it would be a good idea to choose a path, and to commit to it, and take steps in following it. avoid winging it, or being ruled by emotions. we can help with that. do you know which way you want to go in terms of getting back together, or remaining broken up?

it also sounds like things are on good terms. how did he take the breakup. do you know if he wants to get back together?

[TishMorir]

That's exactly how i've been going about things for so long... .winging it or being ruled by emotions. I want to remain broken up. I need to remain broken up. For as long as I am with someone there is expectations and I can't deal with that pressure right now. I put far too many pressures on myself as it is. I am in a very fortunate position where I am not studying right now or working; for mental health and various other reasons. I need to take time out for myself, to heal  grow and actually get to know myself; what do I like what makes me tik etc ... .

Initially he did not take the break up well however there is no malice now... .at present he knows we can't get back together for both our sake however he has mentioned to me that he does think we would get back together at some point.

Cheers, T

[once removed]

do you want to maintain a friendship of sorts?

[TishMorir]

Yes, I do.

[once removed]

then i think its important to maintain good "friendship" boundaries, or things could get messy, and either of you or both of you could get hurt.

https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries

what do you think? how might you apply this to your relationship?