So, if I understand you, you are thinking that the breakup surfaced the fact that
| | ~ you understood that she wanted a committed relationship and you accepted that (and you then felt she wasn't living up to it and were upset)
~ she realized that she communicated a higher level of commitment than she was now comfortable with. |
Do I have that right?
I'm not sure. I think she knew I understood. I think she knew I was in. I think she was comfortable with where we were. I think yes spelling it out suddenly made it real that is all. I think she was already worried about getting to close as I said and then pulled back and I pushed when I should have not so she pulled back more. I think the fact the event she actually did make was the "coming out" dinner was very telling (about 5 days after her first weekend of what I saw as pull back) as it wasn't just a casual dinner it was an intro to her close married friends and a presentation of me to them and them making it clear to me this was serious. I dunno what happened after that. In other words, the one event she did make sure we had together 12 days after the 'so happy to have a month together' was a serious one.
I think this would fall under a "disconnect on how to move forward". In other words, however it came to be (communication error, change of heart, reaction to your reaction), you two had different expectations of the relationship/each other at this point in time.
Again sounds ok but I don't know. A lot could have happened at that dinner (elder feedback, etc). It was two days later where the dinner that became a lunch that flipped me around happened. Again, should have just taken the lunch as meaningful not the cancellation.
Her excitement was a big deal, her arranging that intro dinner was a big deal. So should have kept eyes on the larger picture not the smaller.
This idea is a little more difficult for me to wrap my mind around. Aren't the most significant future indicators right now (after the your date tonight)
~the going away party
~communications in China before she returns for three weeks
~what happens when she returns for three weeks.
How do you best handle these topics at dinner tonight regarding the above? What information do you need? How do you get it (what do you say through an interpreter) without being needy or pushing? That would seem hard.
They seem almost secondary. I don't have any idea where we stand other than Sunday's 'yes you are special can she let you know if she wants to continue long distance but she does want you to come be with her'. I guess I can use that for jumping off point but until I get a measure on what is going on I can't really broach it. If things seem nice and easy I think broaching communucation and three weeks is easier. I can say a good friend had a great idea for us to communicate and learn more about each other that is better than text. I can ask casually since she invited already by Shen Yu. Going away party? I think I'll let her chew on the dinner for a day or so and reach out or not.
Is the best thing to have a good time. See if she invites you. If not, write her a letter when she is in China and gauge things on that response?
What are you thinking?
trying to quiet the thinking really :| Yes, first step is eveyrone relaxes and we have a good time. Let the ladies talk amongs themselves and see what that involves. If there is some natural way to work in communication, Shen Yu January or even going away party I will. But I sorta think I'm letting her take the lead. She wanted to meet my mother and see where I live. Let her do so and figure it out. I know I know I'm the guy and should lead her but I think I'm on very shaky ground and I'm just going to I think give her space to experience me again like she did before, to see me in my element, and to decide if she wants to make an overture or 'walk through the door' I opened. That is my current thinking
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