Co-parenting Halloween

[Turkish]

My ex is BPD-lite, at least in regards to me.  Her husband is still conspicuously absent from the kids' lives for the most part though he is around them recently. 

This was my holiday on her day.  I agreed to have her come over before school to do D6's hair for her costume though it wasn't necessary.  I got the kids up 30 mins earlier than normal,  fed breakfast, ready to roll.  Mommy was 25 mins later than she said she'd be.  So she arrived stressed.  Complaining I didn't have anywhere to set anything (curling iron) in the front bathroom.

S8 was a reaper and his dress was too long.  She told me the night before that she'd fix it.  She did nothing different than I would have, cutting it off at the bottom.  She complained that I didn't have real scissors only food scissors and ended by saying,  "I should just have them the night before next time!"

I should have known she'd stress out.  Then I got weak because she asked to take them to a cousin's wedding Saturday on my weekend.  "Since you got them on my night and I only have them one night this week, could I have them Friday (tomorrow which would be my night)? That way I could get them ready for the wedding." I agreed.  I'm driving.  She gave me the choice of giving her the kids or coming along.  The extended family won't question me being there since her husband has been MIA for over a year.  I acquiesced. I'll pick them up and drive the hour to the wedding.  Let her handle the kids in the morning rather than us showing up to her anxiety.

I should have just let her take the kids,  but there well be good food and it will be good to see some people.

Late last night I got a text to remind me to sort their candy (for razor blades?) and to make sure that they drank plenty of water (?). I didn't respond.

[WantToBeFree]

Ugh, co-parenting is so hard!  In some ways I have found it harder than trying to parent with him when we were still together.  At least then he stayed out of my way, and I could parent my D4 how I liked.  Now he is trying to prove he is all-star daddy and it's a pain.

That's very big of you to allow her to come over even though it was your holiday this year.  Although hard, it benefits the kids when we can be accommodating and understanding.  But does she ever make accommodations for you?  I am sure you have been or will be in situations where it's your regular night, but she gets them for the holiday.  Would she extend that same courtesy to you, and to let you take them to a family outing on her weekend?  I know you didn't ask for advice, but I know with myself, I just naturally like to be agreeable, but when the other person isn't, it makes you bitter and angry, so I have to remind myself all the time not to go over and above with the niceties.

My uBPD stb-ex and I had agreed for him to bring our D4 home early last night (it was his day with her) and we would have dinner and both take her trick or treating.  But we had mediation yesterday morning and he totally screwed me over and I have to pay him a ton of money.  I couldn't stand to see him yesterday so he took her in his neighborhood, and then I picked her up and took her around in ours.  But she was happy, she got to go twice, and even got a costume change in-between.  I'm sorry your Halloween was stressful too!

[Turkish]

I think whats stressful in the situations where there isn't significant conflict is knowing where to draw boundaries.  I took the kids to see a concert last month.  Mom tried to invite herself; I said no. She'd ruin it with her anxiety even though part of me wanted her to come with us.  Thousands of people in an arena, I did ok handing the kids and we all had a good time. The kids wanted her to come, too.