My Son Suffers Greatly From Mental Health Issue We Believe To Be BPD

[SparkyT]

I am writing to this blog because I strongly believe my 30 year old son has BPD although never diagnosed officially(by the time we realized he was 18 or older). Without writing a book when we look back we recall relationship issues from a very young age but he progressed in life and was very athletic and smart so you figure that he is not as engaging, shy with others or quiet but he still moved forward and got his college degree and has had success with jobs and career. But for a good ten+ years we have struggled mightily with him and our relationship with him as things have not changed much he has moved out of our house and he has disconnected from his family (myself, his mother and sister as he has in the past he moved out one other time for almost 2 years) and I (his father) am the only one he will respond to via text and of course it is negative dialogue. We have come to the point where we know we cannot help him but of course we want to somehow help him get the help he needs. He seems to make great strides at times and he is extremely smart and athletic but struggles mightily and he will not speak to his mother at all, rarely his sister and only me when he wants to and it is very negative. I am sure this is a story that has been told many times and my wife and I are going back for more professional help now that he has moved but we are really sad and frustrated that we cannot maintain some type of healthy relationship. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[bluek9]

Welcome SparkyT   

   So very glad you are here, yet very sad that you are suffering with this mental health night mare. You are in the right place. There are so many of us parents here as I'm sure you will find in short order. So many of us who know and understand what you are going through. It is always hurtful and heart breaking when the only communication we get from our BPD kids is negative and sometimes down right abusive.
   The unhealthy relationship you talk about as being sad and frustrating comes from trying to interact with them without having healthy tools under your belt. Please take some time here to look around, go through the videos and look over the lessons. Once we as parents understand that we must learn a new way of communicating, then we can begin to change the dialog. I'm sorry to say that as easy as that sounds, it's not. It will be a forever on going process.
   Keep posting, we are all here or you and your wife. You will find great support here.

[SparkyT]

Thanks for your reply and support I know the frustration and believe me I know it is not easy I will certainly use the tools and knowledge available. I just wish I could get him to seek out the help he needs.

[Feeling Better]

Hello SparkyT

I just want to let you know that I can relate to everything that you have written. My uBPD son was like yours, but he is now 36, lives in a different country to us and he has been NC (no contact) with me and my husband for nearly two years. He also says he hates one of his sisters and has no contact with her either. I only realised that he probably has BPD traits when I first found this site just over a year ago. Since being here I have learned so much which helped me to realise exactly where I had been going wrong in the past when trying to communicate with my son. I hope that you find the resources here as helpful as I have.

You very wisely recognise that you cannot help your son (unless he wants to be helped), and I do understand you wanting to help him to get help, that’s what all parents want for their BPD kids, right? It can be really hard accepting the fact that you can’t make your son get help, but we are here to support you 

[once removed]

hi SparkyT, i want to join bluek9 and Feeling Better and say

I just wish I could get him to seek out the help he needs.

the number one indicator of someone with BPD traits experiencing remission/recovery is having a strong, loving, consistent, but also firm, support system.

in other words, our loved ones often follow our lead. so there is hope, and the tools and some knowledge can help you get there.

what led up to his not speaking to his mother? whats going on regarding the negative dialogue with him and you, and how recently?