Parent Plan Revisitation

[takingandsending]

In typical fashion, uBPDxw abruptly changed course and agreed to sign division of property agreement as written in collaborative divorce process with provision that:

1. I pay her $3500 for her painting the house before sale. She extorted this before agreeing to the sale. I am inclined to let this one be a "win" for her.
2. I set up life insurance policy on myself with 3rd party executor to ensure kids' well being is secured. I don't have issue with this. I had issue with allowing her to be beneficiary.
3. We revisit parent plan to address significant concerns with a GAL that she has chosen every 6 months for 3 years.

Spoke with collab L. Told him item 3. was not acceptable, and he was on same page. He proposed using the term "extraordinary circumstance" in lieu of "significant" but warned that even then, his recent experience showed a parent willing to raise it with the CE for trivial reasons.

My thoughts are:
A) Remove item 3. as the only events that would trigger evaluation by the CE would be items that already present legal cause to revise the parent plan:
- Parental negligence
- Child abuse
- CPS investigation resulting from mandated reporter (which incidentally happened to xw last year)
B) If removal of item 3. is a sticking point, then propose three CEs in the area experienced with PD. Have xw select one. The criteria for a GAL is considerably less than a CE, and most courts in my state (unfortunately not in my county) are moving away from the GAL and going straight to a CE in contested custody cases.
C) CE recommendation can be presented by petitioning parent in court (i.e. CE does not have authority to revise the parent plan, themselves).

My xw's L noted that a week ago, xw was raging at his incompetence and the incompetence of the divorce coach and threatening a "malpractice" suit. This week, she apologized to him and said she's willing to settle. Her L and the divorce coach have apparently been trying to convince her that my deadline to go to court is serious and she stands to lose when that happens.

Thoughts on this proposed approach? Things to add? I hope to hammer out agreement in final collab session with mediator who is a GAL/pro-tempore judge to take place in December. However, I still am planning for court. I know the odds are not in my favor to complete this under collab process, but if I can, it would save a lot of money, time and stress.

[worriedStepmom]

When I divorced, I asked about item 2 on your ex's list.  My L told me that the judge in our county never agreed to that, as the kids are always eligible for SS benefits if one parent dies while they are minors.  When I looked it up, I was shocked at how much my kids would get every year if their dad died.

It might be worthwhile to look that up for you and show your ex that number.  She may not be aware that the kids would be eligible for SS benefits if you die.

[takingandsending]

Thanks, worriedStepmom.

I will look into what that amount would be and consider it when proposing a policy amount or if there need be one. In general, I am not opposed to a life insurance policy. I just didn't want xw to be the holder/beneficiary of the policy, as I have concern that she would spend the money on her self comfort in her own justified way: "Of course this would be for the kids' benefit if I spend $7000 on face cream because I will be such a better, happier mother to them".

[takingandsending]

I have asked my collab L and litigation L in the past about court mandating life insurance, and both have stated that it is not typically ordered but it is common enough for divorcing spouses to take out policy on ex. It still feels kind of weird to me, like a target on my back.

[Smusher]

Takingandsendin... .when my SO was going through mediation to formalize divorce, there was no requirement for life insurance however he did have to give 50% of monies in an account he had set aside for college for the children, her side argued she would cover 50% of college when the time came. He did try to argue ths t history showed that would not happen etc., however to no avail... and yes she lived up to statement- not a cent was covered by her. In fact she tried to get the college bound young adults to stay locate etc., so she would get more monies from my SO. However, thankfully they all went away to college. A side note - the uBPDxw told all the children how she got nothing etc., and over time when appropriate in right setting and context, he informed each of them separately the full breakdown of the divorce terms. Needless to say they were shocked as it was the complete opposite to her version. My SO retained his papers etc.,  pertaining to whole process, sealed in a file box, should any of the children want the full history. If not then they have a shredding party to look forward to... .pertaining to life insurance etc., suggest you seek legal advice as to potential policy being set up with the children being the beneficiaries (with an age stipulation).