Need to know what to do with undiagnosed 25 yo daughter

[Sadgirl92]

I live with my parents. My daughter was kicked out of her apartment and moved in with us. I knew it was going to be hell.  I tried to remain calm and keep the peace but her rages came anyways. She yells at me at my parents. My parents are fed up with it. So I told my daughter you have to leave. Telling a BPD to get out is the worse I can do because it just makes them even madder and more rejected. So she mad me a deal that she would find her own place. But now she is giving up on that and saying she hates this town she wants to travel. She is never going to make money to travel. She is just going to continue to be mean and nasty. So how do I kick her out. I feel bad for kicking her out on the streets. She doesn’t have a friend so that is where she will go. But what is the proper way to kick her out. She won’t chnage so I have no choice. I sound like the mean one but trust me she is so angry and blames me for everything and just does all the crazy and angry stuff a  BPD does. What do I do. And how do I do it

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi Sadgirl92

Why was your daughter kicked out of her apartment? Did she do anything resulting in this outcome?

Your daughter says she hates the town and wants to travel. Has she said why she hates the town? Has she perhaps given any details about where to, how, through what means and how long she would like to travel?

I understand your desire to protect yourself and your parents from your daughter's abuse. Being abused is very unpleasant indeed and can really take its toll on you and cause a lot of stress and anxiety.

You have now reached the point that you want your daughter to leave the home because of her difficult behavior. You mention her yelling, verbal abuse and that she still rages. When you posted before you also talked about her violent behavior, is that currently still an issue? Is your daughter still physically abusive/threatening?

Take care and know that we are here to support you

The Board Parrot

[Sadgirl92]

Quick update. My daughter is moving out. We hit a rock bottom fight. I mean ROCK BOTTOM. I had enough and my mother asked her to leave... .my mom has never done this. So you can imagine how bad this was. She was ready to move to some friends house out of state. Later in The middle of the night , she like, turned into a small child. Not literally. But, was sad,confused, scared. When she is like that I feel so bad for her and I wish she was NORMAL. I hate to say it like that. But she does have a heart, she’s just got this mental illness to struggle with. She begged me to stay telling me she isn’t ready to leave me yet. I told her... .but you HATE me. Of cousrse she explained the reasons why she doesn’t and that she can’t imagine being away from me. I agreed that yes you can stay here until you get an apartment. She agreed. She has NEVER AGREED to get an apartment. She would always say she hates this town and doesn’t want to be stuck here. But this time she said I will get an apartment. I will stay here and try to be happy. It was a huge turn around.
So, guess what? We got her an apartment. She pitched in $500 and I paid the rest. My friends and family are mad at me saying I’m an enabler because I rewarded her behavior with an apartment. But they don’t understand. They don’t Truly understand. So, she got this cute little place by all the vegan stores that she loves. It’s got hard wood floors and French doors. It’s really cute. She Is a coder, so she got back into that so she will pay the majority of rent. she moves in Weds everyone. I have a good feeling. I hope things are changing. I know there will be ups and downs. But she seems actually happy and excited and motivated. I will update. Thanks for reading.
Oh. I did make an appointment to see a psychiatrist. I still want to talk to someone cuz you just never know how this might turn out. I’m hoping the best, but I still want to follow through and get help. Thx again.

[Kwamina]

Hi again Sadgirl92

Thanks for this quick update  Your daughter moving out definitely sounds like progress to me considering her abusive behavior

We hit a rock bottom fight. I mean ROCK BOTTOM. I had enough and my mother asked her to leave... .my mom has never done this.

Was it a verbal fight? Was there also any physical violence involved? You've mentioned before that your daughter also gets physically abusive.

My friends and family are mad at me saying I’m an enabler because I rewarded her behavior with an apartment. But they don’t understand. They don’t Truly understand.

You did what you did to find a solution for a very difficult situation. Outsiders might not always understand, but we all can only do our best with the knowledge and skills we have and I think what is really important is that you took the steps you deemed necessary to keep yourself safe  In spite of everything, she is still your daughter and you are right that her mental illness is a significant factor in her volatile behavior.

When you say your family is mad at you, who are you talking about exactly? Are your parents also mad at you?

Having a support network in place can be invaluable as is often said on this site. That's why I'm glad that you've made an appointment with a professional who can help you navigate these difficult situations

Take care and I hope all goes well Wednesday and also after that of course

The Board Parrot

[wendydarling]

But she does have a heart, she’s just got this mental illness to struggle with.

Well said! And that mental illness robs them of who they are. Sadgirl92 my 30DD is recovering, post DBT last year she said to me she feels kindness and gratitude. Thank you for reminding us when in the eye of the storm as you are. 

Keep posting here with us SadGirl92, it helped me get out of the pit.

WDx 

[Kwamina]

Hi Sadgirl92

I hope you and your family are well

How did it go Wednesday?

The Board Parrot