Grandparent rights California

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My BPDDD25 and her son, GS4, have lived with me since 4/2018. Back then, DD was engaged in individual and family counseling and seemed eager to get treatment. She never followed through with the suggestions of T and about three months ago she began to spiral out of control, self-injury, suicide threats, meeting random men from the internet at hotels, storming out of therapy sessions, raging at me, verbally, emotionally, and physically abusing GS. I called CPS and, after six weeks, the case was closed. During the time between the CPS call and the case closing, DD was on her best behavior parenting-wise but continued to be nasty to me. I gave her a 30-day notice to leave and that date is 11/26/2018. Since then, she has worked very hard to alienate me from GS.  She has told GS that I called CPS and that I want to take him away from her, that I don't want him to ever see her again.

In an early morning rage with GS present, she informed me, "Calling CPS didn't work, you can't take him from me, they closed the case and said I was a wonderful mother, you've ruined my life and I'll never forgive you." Yesterday, while GS was at preschool, she told me that when she moves, she'll be moving out of state and will cut off all contact with me. She told me, "GS will forget about you just like he's forgotten about his other grandma."

I have a phone appointment today, free consult, with a family law attorney to talk about grandparent rights.

What are some questions I should ask? I want to make the most of the 30 minutes.

Thanks for any input!

~ OH

[Only Human]

My BPDDD25 and her son, GS4, have lived with me since 4/2018. Back then, DD was engaged in individual and family counseling and seemed eager to get treatment. She never followed through with the suggestions of T and about three months ago she began to spiral out of control, self-injury, suicide threats, meeting random men from the internet at hotels, storming out of therapy sessions, raging at me, verbally, emotionally, and physically abusing GS. I called CPS and, after six weeks, the case was closed. During the time between the CPS call and the case closing, DD was on her best behavior parenting-wise but continued to be nasty to me. I gave her a 30-day notice to leave and that date is 11/26/2018. Since then, she has worked very hard to alienate me from GS.  She has told GS that I called CPS and that I want to take him away from her, that I don't want him to ever see her again.

In an early morning rage with GS present, she informed me, "Calling CPS didn't work, you can't take him from me, they closed the case and said I was a wonderful mother, you've ruined my life and I'll never forgive you." Yesterday, while GS was at preschool, she told me that when she moves, she'll be moving out of state and will cut off all contact with me. She told me, "GS will forget about you just like he's forgotten about his other grandma."

I have a phone appointment today, free consult, with a family law attorney to talk about grandparent rights.

What are some questions I should ask? I want to make the most of the 30 minutes.

Thanks for any input!

~ OH

[flourdust]

How did your call go?

[Only Human]

Hello flourdust,

I was wrong, the phone appointment wasn't a phone appointment with an attorney. It was through my employee assistance program, legal benefit, and it was to get the name of an attorney. I must call the attorney on Monday to either get my free consult or to make an appointment for the free consult.

~ OH

[flourdust]

Gotcha. Good luck! Those free consults can be incredibly useful.

[takingandsending]

I think you would want to discuss what legal rights if any that you may have, go over duration that you have had GS4 under your guardianship and if that would grant you a right to a) be notified via petition for relocation and b) what your appeal process is. You need to stress how much time you oversaw GS (usually measured by number of overnights he was in your custodial care) to the attorney. It might be a hard road to establish that daughter is a threat or incapable of parenting GS but any 911 calls or documented evidence of mental health crises could help,

Hope your GS is okay. Hope your daughter goes back into treatment which would be best for everyone. However, it sounds fairly common that pwBPD do not follow through with treatment.

[Only Human]

I spoke to the attorney today and he told me I would be better off requesting emergency guardianship. I'm frantically trying to find the $4500.00 to file this week. That's the attorney's fee, reduced due to my employee assistance program.

~ OH

[slowsteve]

I spoke to the attorney today and he told me I would be better off requesting emergency guardianship. I'm frantically trying to find the $4500.00 to file this week. That's the attorney's fee, reduced due to my employee assistance program.

~ OH

Sounds like good advice.

[Lavenderfields]

OH, I really feel for your situation and the worry over your grandchild. Three of mine are living in similar chaos and the eldest has autism. I have had no contact with them for 8 months as per their mother's wishes. She was mad that I called CAS after the children told me that they were afraid. She and her boyfiend were getting into physical fights. I have been taking a course on BPD and know a little more now re how to talk with her if she ever wants me back in her life. Also rwading books. I am taking her to court for visitation. Winning the case is not guaranteed as the laws herevin Ontario, Canada are very subject to the judges interpretation. Our lawyer thinks we stand a good chance given the history. I wish you luck with your case.
Lavenderfields