Wondered if venting here was helping or making it worse

[Faith Spring]

Hi friends, I started to worry about a month ago that by posting here and reading here I was somehow drawing bad energy into my already bad situation.  

So yeah.  I was wrong.  Venting here is all I’ve got.  And I feel better afterwards.  Reading your posts validates me, I learn something new each time.  New about my daughter and myself.  

I’m scared.  She’ll be 18 soon.  She plans to sue my husband for attempted murder and me for grand larceny.  (She attacked him and he pushed her off, and yeah I took funds from her account after she deliberately stained all my work clothes).  

I’m scared for her.  What if she never gets the help that’s out there for this disorder.  What if things get worse.  What if I fail at setting up boundaries?  I want to run away and change my identity.   That’s how much I don’t wanna face the next 10 years.

She did ask me to get her to see the psychiatrist.  Getting an appointment is hard, this is frustrating but at least she does want help.  

Thanks for reading.  And writing.  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[LoveOnTheRocks]

Faith Spring:  You make a really good point and I was wondering the same thing... .but I think I am figuring out that I'm not just venting.  I am venting (a whole lot sometimes, actually)... .and I am grieving, and I am learning, and I am talking to other people who "get it"... .the whole thing... .and I am getting fantastic feedback... .and I am able to give feedback from my own experiences and... .
I think you see where I'm going with this.

I have decided for me that even though this is hard, it is helping me face and walk and move ahead... .all things which are good.

There are good days, good times... .I see progress... .and I see some bad stuff, too (like I was doing that whether I was posting here or not, anyway)... .
So... .what harm is there in talking with the REAL experts... .those of us on the frontlines... .in the trenches... .is what I've concluded.  No harm has come from me experiencing my truth on this site and I pray none does (as in the ONLY thing I fear is my daughter or family recognizing me by what I've shared, and I have to admit, I am thinking about that some these days, because I am very open and honest about it all here)... .perhaps I wouldn't say to them what I say about my relationships with them, because I am not trying to burn my life down... .I really am trying to help myself and my loved one.

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Hi Faith Spring,

I really struggled with this too. I took a couple months off this past summer because reading about the hell other people were going through with their kids was making me feel hopeless. In retrospect, I was in denial about my own situation and didn't want to face what I clearly saw was coming. That was the hardest part for me. You mentioned "what if she never gets help... .what if things get worse... ." That is exactly how I felt all the time. It's really really hard to face. I can also really relate to what you said about wanting to run away and change your identity.

There is no way of knowing what the future holds. The more I thought about the 'what ifs' the more miserable and distraught I became. The other part of that for me was feeling like I had some control over the situation when I really did not (once she was an adult). I was constantly trying to fix things and control situations that were not controllable. I recently read "How to stop caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist," and I wish I had read it several years ago. I cannot recommend it more.

I hope that you'll keep posting. One of the best things about posting for me is feeling like mistakes I've made might help someone else out. That something positive can come out of so much misery. And like LoTR said, being able to talk to people who really understand is invaluable.

We are here for you! 

[wendydarling]

Hi Faith Spring

Here’s a big hug from me Faith Spring,      you are suffering and you are scared, being open how we are feeling, sharing our vulnerability and how overwhelming our situation is, we can start to look at what we can change to reduce our suffering. LorT you say you’re figuring out you are not just venting, you are grieving and you are learning, LorT I see a lot of learning in your posts, in your reflections and your thinking. I encourage you and parents here to post Faith Spring, journal here, we are a support group, let us help you, share with us what’s happening, the good, bad, those, glimpses, golden nuggets, ours and our childrens.

The ‘what ifs’ gee, I’ve been there, they drain our energy, take our mind away from what we can do now, yes looking at them along the way I have found helpful, I put them on a shelf called ‘later’ and engaged in the lessons and skills here that have helped me process the ‘later shelf’ in a mindful way.

Where are you in your learning here with us, it can feel overwhelming … when I joined I zoomed in to Listening with Empathy (my fav) and Validation lessons, empowered my DD to take responsibility. FOG, Radical Acceptance, Grieving, helped me, empowered me … to take my foot off my peddle of expectations that are unrealistic for my DD and real for me. Interested to hear from other parents your entry point to learning here. Hyacinth while our journeys differ, there are many similarities and that is what we learn here that helps us, stand strong for YOU, for your DD, stay with  

There is hope Faith Spring, small gentle steps, stepping into my DD’s world, understanding her suffering, her limitations, has helped her, help herself.

Your daughter is taking a very courageous step forward, acknowledging she is struggling,  recognising she needs help. How have those conversations been for you?

WDx

[Faith Spring]

I am gonna read that book, Hyacinth, thanks a lot. 

I try to stay grounded and optimistic by listening to guided meditation.   One of them is called The Secret.  You probably heard of it.  It’s about the law of attraction.  I worried that I might be attracting bad ju-ju by considering just how seriously vulnerable my daughter is. 

And the psychiatrist office doesn’t call back. 

There might be truth to the law of attraction, but it doesn’t have to be bad for us.  We can share the good too.  I think we should. 

My daughter is baby sitting right now.  (At least I hope so, we are no contact so I’m not sure where she is).  But the point is she is doing something responsible.  That’s something. 

I’m so grateful to have found each of you. 

[Faith Spring]

P.s: she was babysitting and home now.  Small nuggets of paradise.