ROLLER COASTER... behaviour is difficult to handle, what do you do, say?

[Miss Bossy]

Hello all,

I am the mother of a 27 years old Daughter who has been diagnosed in September 2017 for BPD. She successfully followed the STEEPS program for 6 months and start to be back to square one in June 2017.
She has always been depressed with very low mood and high moments of excitability very challenging to control. Abused when she was 13, she became bulimic, anorexic and has been sectioned at many occasions after episode of mixing alcohol and tablets.
We are a very very supporting family. I have a Son who is 23 who is supportive too as well as my husband. We tried all possible therapies , family therapy, BCT... .list is endless.
She is very intelligent and obtained easily her degrees and master at Kings College< London and Imperial.
The reason for why I would you like to participate to that forum is because sometimes we do not know how to act, which boundaries we have to put on place. She started a new job and is living with us at home. As she said she is an adult but sometimes when situation is out of control we have to take drastic actions.
We read a lot of articles about that condition and we are trying our best to speak to her in a language she can understand. It is more her behaviour which is difficult to handle.
When shall we stop her, shall we tell her that her behaviour is a concern for us?

Any advise will be good.

Thank you all.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hi Miss Bossy  

Welcome to the community, I'm glad you've joined us, parents here are in similar situations to you, you are not alone.  It's a rollercoaster, you've been through endless list of therapies, most recently your daughter engaged in STEPPS, though you say she's now back to square one? I've learnt here recovery is not linear, it's like sliding doors... .small step forward, back, two forward, one back. My daughter was diagnosed in 2015 at 26 (she's now 30), 14 months DBT with NHS and is now on her second round of DBT group sessions with a charity. For me I see continuing skill building, therapy, meds is what my DD needs, fortunately she continues to reach out to help herself, it's her responsibility, yes I'm here to support, listen.

What behaviours are difficult to handle, of a concern to you?

WDx

[Miss Bossy]

Thanks Wendy for your input... .most difficult challenge is what to say when she is in the middle of a hysterical episode. She is in her own world of feelings, sufferings... .and it seems that all what we can say or do does not help.
I understand that listening and caring are the keys words face to that destructive behaviour ... .not easy.

Actually we cannot help unless listening to her and caring... .sometimes it is just impossible!

[wendydarling]

Can you describe a 'hysterical episode'? What does she do? How long do they last?