Hard day

[MNhope]

Having a hard day today trying to support my daughter who was recently diagnosed with BPD.  This is tough . So much to learn about this disorder and how to help her.  Her Dad and Her serious boyfriend are struggling as well, so we are trying to figure this out together and are so exhausted on this roller coaster of emotions . Sure hope this gets easier for us and mostly for my beautiful girl who we all love so much

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello NMhope

Welcome to bpdfamily.  

I'm sorry you are having a hard day, I'm right there with you, the toughest time can be receiving the diagnosis and working out next steps. It is tough, our challenge is to understand BPD often co-morbid, it is doable, that's our journey and theirs   To connect. Diagnosis often happens when our loved one reaches crisis.

What's been happening NMhope, what are your present challenges, how is your daughter, has she accepted the diagnosis?

Glad you're here to learn with us, parents of BPFamily.

Hope and small gentle steps work for me.

WDx

[MNhope]

My daughter has been going to weekly DBT since her diagnosis I do think she accepts it , but doesn’t take responsibility for her terrible behavior and for hurting those that are trying to support her through this.  She has been raging most days lately and we don’t know what do with her, especially when she says such Terrble things and become aggressive .  She has ruined  so many of our family plans.  I don’t even want to invite her anymore or make plans with her.  I am just so tired of her negativity and not taking responsibility for her awful behavior towards those of us that she considers her support system.  I am just not feeling strong anymore ... .when will what she has learned start to kick in so that we don’t have to remain on this awful roller coaster with her? She may have been just diagnosed but she has been behaving horribly for years.

[Only Human]

Hi MNhope  

I join wendydarling in welcoming you to BPD Family.

I'm fairly new here as well but I can tell you that you have found a great place for support, knowledge, and feedback.

What you're going through sounds very emotionally draining for you all. It sounds like you, her dad, and your daughter's BF are all on the same page in wanting to learn all you can and wanting to support your daughter. Do you have support for yourself as well? A therapist? I found a therapist with lots of experience with BPD. It's made a difference for me, learning how my daughter thinks, feels, experiences life. Previously, I'd had therapists who suggested "tough love" for my daughter and that never went well.

It's great that your daughter is doing DBT and that she accepts her diagnosis. I hope, with time, as she learns more about the skills she is taught, things will calm down. Does she live with you?

I don't have any words of wisdom, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. My 25 year old daughter also rages so I know how upsetting that can be.

I'm glad you shared more of what's going on. I've learned so much by sharing and reading other posts. It helps me to know that others have gone through, are going through, similar struggles. I hope you find some comfort and support here, like I have.

~ OH

[MNhope]

My daughter lives with her BF so we don’t always know how things are going until there is a crisis which is every month or so.  I did schedule a therapy appointment with someone who understands BPD.  My daughter will not speak to me now after a horrible rage over the holiday.  I feel so lost and heart broken right now.  This has never happened before where she won’t speak with me .  I know enough about this disorder that she is projecting on me because she is in so much pain. But it really hurts.  I miss my girl.

[NSChick]

Hello MNHope,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in, and I understand completely how you are feeling.  My 24 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with BPD, and within four days of that cut off all communication and blocked me from contacting her in any way.  It is devastating not to know what is happening and to know that she hates me that much right now.  Like you, this is not a place I ever thought I'd find myself.  I can only say what others here have said to  me "it's not your fault".  It's cold comfort, but please know that you are not alone in what you are experiencing and feeling. 

I'm new to this board as well, and I've been taking advice from very kind people here to take care of myself.  It's hard to do, but I'm trying to get help for myself and to learn as much as I can about BPD. 

Please take care of yourself.

NS Chick