BPD in the mainstream media

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I don't know if anyone posted this, but Psychology Today's December issue features an article on BPD.  An interesting point in the article is that BPD outcomes can be helped by positive partner interaction.

I would have to say this is true to some extent.  In the past five years or so, I have changed how I respond when my uBPD/uNPD H dysregulates.  In the past, I would respond to his rages (broken furniture, holes punched in walls, broken kitchenware, divorce threats, etc.) with raging back and defending myself, or I would turn into a sobbing, weeping mess.  (The latter did not seem to affect me husband, and I think he enjoyed knowing he "got" to me, and happy it was not him.)  H would take his pillows from our bedroom and sleep in the couch, during which time I pleaded for him to "talk it over" and sleep in our bed.  He preferred to sulk all night on the couch.

Now I calmly respond to his rages.  When he breaks something, I calmly say things like, "Well, it looks like you have some cleaning to do." (I make sure the pets and grandchildren are safe from broken items.)  Now I let him sleep on the couch; no begging, no placating.  Now H no longer sleeps on the couch.  Simple behavior extinguished without the reinforcement of my trying to talk or beg.  If he took his pillow and blanket to the living room, I just let him go and have his tantrum there.   No audience means no performance.

As an aside, this edition also features an article on, "The Rights of a Relationship."  H breaches almost all of my rights on this, BTW.

[AskingWhy]

I don't know if anyone posted this, but Psychology Today's December issue features an article on BPD.  An interesting point in the article is that BPD outcomes can be helped by positive partner interaction.

I would have to say this is true to some extent.  In the past five years or so, I have changed how I respond when my uBPD/uNPD H dysregulates.  In the past, I would respond to his rages (broken furniture, holes punched in walls, broken kitchenware, divorce threats, etc.) with raging back and defending myself, or I would turn into a sobbing, weeping mess.  (The latter did not seem to affect me husband, and I think he enjoyed knowing he "got" to me, and happy it was not him.)  H would take his pillows from our bedroom and sleep in the couch, during which time I pleaded for him to "talk it over" and sleep in our bed.  He preferred to sulk all night on the couch.

Now I calmly respond to his rages.  When he breaks something, I calmly say things like, "Well, it looks like you have some cleaning to do." (I make sure the pets and grandchildren are safe from broken items.)  Now I let him sleep on the couch; no begging, no placating.  Now H no longer sleeps on the couch.  Simple behavior extinguished without the reinforcement of my trying to talk or beg.  If he took his pillow and blanket to the living room, I just let him go and have his tantrum there.   No audience means no performance.

As an aside, this edition also features an article on, "The Rights of a Relationship."  H breaches almost all of my rights on this, BTW.

[formflier]

I have had much the same experience.  The calmer I stay and the more I move on my with life... .seemingly unaffected by rage... .the less rage happens.

I exit odd arguments and odd conversations fairly quickly... .and the fire seems to burn itself out.

FF