adult BPD stepdaughter ruining my marriage

[hell-p]

In a nutshell,

My adult stepdaughter (I'll call her TJ) has reeked havoc on my marriage. Her mother (I'll call her CT) has been diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. CT has caused severe damage to their 4 children in forms parental alienation, false accusations of imagined abandonment by their father, as well as horrific allegations of sexual abuse, lies and manipulation as well as children witnessing symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia. This caused loss of child custody for my husband for his children 8 years ago.
 
Recently my husband won 100% physical and legal custody of his only minor child left (I'll call her L), due to schizophrenic CT's now proven neglect. However, judge ordered shared temporary physical custody between my husband and TJ (his adult daughter) until everyone involved receives counseling to help L adjust to living 100% of time with her father and myself.

Seems like a plan right? Not if that adult daughter seems to exhibit same behaviors as her mother, and from what I can assess, many qualities of Borderline Personality Disorder. 

The false accusations and twisting of reality from TJ is not only making shared custody extremely difficult but is putting my family in danger.
Just last night she called the police accusing my husband of trespassing at her house and we woke up to three officers banging at our door.
I have absolutely no doubt that she will do whatever she can to "make our life a living hell" (HER WORDS SCREAMED AT HER FATHER)

3 months ago, after the final Court Order and witnessing TJ twist-off at her dad on the stand with ridiculous lies and twisted versions of stories about both of us, I finally told my husband that I NEVER want to see TJ or her family again and that I would no longer allow L to be in my home, around me or my own 16 year old son, obviously to protect me and my son from TJ's further abuse. I have since stood my ground. (This is after 8 year of dealing with her public slander of me, abuse, legal threats and rage  toward me).

I feel completely alone, I don't feel like my husband has protected me from TJ or his family. I understand he is in an an extremely difficult situation of having to try to be civil with TJ in order to share his daughter L. Meanwhile, TJ hasn't even begun the process of the judges ordered therapy. My husband says he understands why I drew the line, but I believe this will be the beginning of the end of our marriage and that he will resent me for protecting my son and myself from the dangers of his horrible family.

I just need someone out there who has gone through this same Hell... .and perhaps give me some words of advice or just make me feel like I am not alone.




 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Faith Spring]

oh you are most certainly not alone.  I'm sorry you are here, jeez I'm sorry I'm here.

Listen, I get it.  My 17 yo diagnosed daughter seems bent on destroying my marriage too.  My husband and I only have her, our one child. 

The truth is this stress may very well break your marriage.  Mine too.  It is insane.  When we make our vows we don't include insanity with richer and poorer but we should. 

Best thing I can tell you for today, for this moment while you're reading this, is to rest, shower, decompress, try even just 10 seconds of breathing with your eyes closed.  You have to take care of yourself.  And come back here and give updates because this group has got your back. 

[hell-p]

thank you oh thank you. tears are rolling down my cheeks for the first time because my emotion has mostly been anger internalized for years.
Thank god I found this site,
And thank you for your kind words.
I will be here in support for others while I maneuver
 my own way through this insanity.

[Faith Spring]

Anytime, and I mean it, I log on sometimes at 4 am just to remember I'm not alone.  and neither are you.  hope you do one good thing for yourself today. 

[Hyacinth Bucket]

Hi Hell-p,

You really have been through hell with your husband's family. The issue we had with my DD nearly destroyed my marriage too, and she is our adopted daughter. I can't imagine having to deal with a step child with BPD. The amount of constant drama and pressure that comes with the BPD child can be unbearable especially when the parents aren't on the same page. 

Have you considered therapy with your husband? Or for yourself?