My daughter has become my enemy

My relationship with my 40 year old daughter the past six years has been on a downward spiral. I have reached a point in the relationship where it is more peaceful for me to withdraw totally from her.

I have been verbally assaulted more times than I even want to count, spent thousands of dollars on her, and in the past few years when I spend even short times with her feel anxious and have to take zanax to calm down.

In June of 2010, she was in a car accident. She was 31 years old at the time. The driver of the car hit the driver’s side of the car and her injuries resulted in the loss of sight to her left eye. Her cheekbone was shattered and she has had several surgeries to try to rebuild that side of her face. She will not leave the house without wearing a patch to hide her eye and that area of her face. The accident was a pivotal point in her life.

During her grade school years, she had difficulty concentrating in school and was diagnosed with ADHD. She loved horses and horseback riding. That was the one activity where she excelled and was always focused. She started smoking weed around the age of 15 and has always been her drug of choice.

At the age of 23, I took her to a licensed psychologist after an incident involving a shooting of one of her friends. She always seemed to gravitate towards friends who did not contribute to society. Most of them were unmotivated and had problems with the law, drugs, etc. The psychologist did physiological testing which took a couple of hours. The test results showed she had three or four different personality disorders. One of them was BPD. I was too naïve at the time to realize the gravity of the diagnoses.

After she was fired from the last job, I helped her financially. I could see my daughter was not a typical 30 year old. Instead of maturing, she seemed to be emotionally delayed. I desired to see her find her niche in life and spent a great deal of energy and money trying to help her.

I took her to a therapist a few months before her accident. This therapist was someone who had worked with my daughter when she was in grade school and high school. I was advised by the therapist to “help her file a social security disability claim and let her go”. At the time I was shocked by her advice, but as I look back I realize she knew my daughter was not going to be able to hold a job and take care of herself.

I filed a social security claim for her during that time and she was approved in a couple of months. The approval was based on her mental health diagnosis. Dependent personality disorder, anti-social personality disorder, BPD, bipolar, anxiety disorder are a few of the diagnoses she has received over the years.

As a result of her accident, she received a settlement in December of 2010. She decided to look at houses in FL and bought a house in FL. She also learned she was pregnant during that time. The problem with the pregnancy was she claimed she wasn’t sure who the father was. She and her long time on and off again boyfriend moved to FL together. He was committed to my grandson regardless if he was the biological father or not.

The first year of V’s life, she was a great mother. She read books and followed them to a fault. She continued to be verbally abusive to M and at times to me, but I was thrilled because I thought maybe being a mother was giving her a purpose. I continued to help her pay bills and tried constantly to get her to pay them herself. She ignored my pleas for her to become responsible. She spent her money, her boyfriend’s money, and mine.

Her boyfriend, (I will call him Nathan) was thrown out of the house several times until he was finally done three years ago. He and I have become great friends and have leaned on each other many times.

During the last six years she has-

1.   Gone through periods of times when she was on sleeping meds because she couldn’t sleep for days. She would take them late at night and then sleep late into the morning leaving my grandson to fend for himself until she would wake up. I have personally witnessed my grandson being in the house at two and three years old. While she was sound asleep. One time he was in the back yard three feet away from the pool. It was 11 am in the morning

2.   Neighbors have called child services several times. Because there was food in the house and he was not being physically abused, they saw no reason to remove him from the house.

3.   Weed is her drug of choice and she uses it every day and is high most of the time.

4.   She claimed she had Lyme disease and I spent thousands of dollars taking her to all sorts of doctors.

5.   In order for me to see my grandson, I have to give her money.

6.   She has alienated all of her nice neighbors because she has verbally abused them. She was never sure who called child services so all of them were suspect.

7.   She has had at least eight different boyfriends in the past four years. She would bring them into the house with my grandson. They were usually gone within two months.

8.   Her once immaculate house has been destroyed by dogs and her.

9.   She has called employers of some of her friends and told the employer they were using or selling drugs and making porn videos.

10.   She will scream at my grandson’s father if they are at a school event in front of my grandson.
11.   She has threatened to “kill me if she were alone in the woods with me”
12.   Her rages are terrifying and the rants are like being hit over and over again until I am weak and can barely function.
Two years ago I started seeing a therapist and after my therapist read some of the thousands of text messages and listened to the abusive voicemails from my daughter, she called child services. My daughter of course believed it was me. Child services did call me and I gave them information about my daughter’s mental health and her behavior.
She believes I wanted to take my grandson away from her. What I wanted was for my grandson to have an emotionally and physical healthy mother.
I have reached the point where I don’t want to be around my friends with “normal children”. My daughter’s father and I have been divorced since she was thirteen years old. He now has become her enabler and she has him convinced I am a traitor because I gave child services my opinion about her behavior.
The manipulation, rages, and rants are more than I can handle. I feel so alone.



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