I am his trigger...(new here)

[Bnonymous]

I agree that, if you can manage to not let the silent treatment get to you and can spend the time he's not around productively and enjoyably and focusing on you, that is the best thing to do. It's something I'd advise and applaud.

But your previous post sounded as though you want him to think that you were suffering, especially the bit about putting his clothes on so he'll think you were sleeping in them. That is the bit which confused me - I'm not clear on what it is that you wanted to communicate or achieve by doing that, and my questions about it were genuine requests for more information as to your aims, so I can get a clearer picture of where you're at.

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[Coldfish]

He's the one that wants me to suffer. He's the one that employed the silent treatment with the sole intention of making me suffer. So mission achieved but I did not suffer in the way he intended for me to suffer do my mission achieved.

When he comes back he will assume I had a very hard time while he was gone. His assumption is his problem. When you assume things you take a risk that what you believe to be true is correct. In this instance he is wrong. I am not responsible for his assumption.

He thinks the silent treatment works on me. It would be cruel of me to deny him his sadistic pleasure. So, let him think that I am affected by his tactics. He gets what he wants and I get what I want which is being one step ahead.

[once removed]

He's the one that wants me to suffer.
... .
When you assume things you take a risk that what you believe to be true is correct.

it could be, possibly, that he needs space, and has a difficult time asking for it. it could be something else entirely.

So, let him think that I am affected by his tactics. He gets what he wants and I get what I want which is being one step ahead.

im not sure you have to help him in that regard.

alternatively, it can help to emphasize positive reinforcement, to communicate our hurts, to set reasonable limits on what we will live with and wont (not contingent on expecting our partner to change, etc).

what do you think?

[Coldfish]

Hmmmm that sounds good in theory... .

I am gonna make an assumption. I will say for my intent and purposes that 50 percent of the time he will be amazing and 50 percent of the time he will be horrible. So during the times when he is being amazing I can see him and I observing healthy boundaries and limits etc. During the 50 percent of the time he's being horrible, the only one playing fair is me. During this time he's throwing grenades and I'm throwing love bombs.

Ah no

He doesn't get a hall pass for bad behavior unless I get one too. I understand that he has somethings going on but we all have things going on. Maybe not what he has going on, but trust me I have life to get through too. He has enough sense to drive by posted laws, go to work, clean his home, feed his dog, take his medicine etc. That tells me he has enough sense to act right more than 50 percent of the time.

This was just a made up example...