Seeing some improvements

[theuproar]

Since joining this board, I have found a sense of objectivity and rootedness that I haven't experienced since meeting my partner, and it has helped our relationship a ton (at least in the last week or two).  Now, when she rages, I fall back onto the experiences I've read here (so similar to my own, in fact, that I've occasionally wondered if me and other posters are talking about the same person) and it is reassuring.  That newer, higher level of confidence has allowed me to be more present and go through the proper deescalations.  The effects are varied, but overall moving in a better direction.  Her lows are much more vicious than usual (maybe because she feels that I'm more confident and she's losing some control over me), but the highs are more persistent and enduring than they've ever been. 

I feel the key ingredients have been this board/community, exercise, and meditation.  It all took some practice, but I'm feeling the benefits, finally, after months and months.  Maybe having a community was the missing link. 

Also worth sharing is something she said the other day.  We were on vacation and she drank herself to a dangerous point the night before, causing her to violently vomit among other things.  This caused her to sleep through an activity I had planned the next day that cost a fair amount of money.  When she woke up, she profusely apologized for sleeping through it.  We tried to do some stuff afterward (ride motorcycles, go to the beach, snorkel) and she was just ripping me apart the whole time, blaming me for anything and everything that wasn't going right.  Instead of arguing, we went back to our room.  I didn't argue, didn't take it personally, and didn't show a single crack in the veneer.  The next day, after calming down, she explained to me that her rage had nothing to do with me, and that it was her own self-hatred leaking out.  She was so mad at herself for spoiling our plans that she became angry, and with that anger was dysregulated in a way that fell on me.  It was a rare moment where I saw my BPDgf take responsibility for her actions and show incredible self-awareness.  This is that sort of altruism that some psychiatrists and therapists talk about being a characteristic of the BPD psyche.  I thanked her for her candor.  The point is that it was a really cool confirmation of what I've been reading - that is, there's a huge internal dialogue for pwBPD that we aren't always aware of, and it often involves extreme self-deprecation.  I'm viewing this as a step toward her getting better.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Ozzie101]

That's wonderful, theuproar!

So exciting and rewarding when we see improvement like that. The tools really can work and have an impact and I'm so glad you're having some success and feeling more confident. Keep up the good work!

[Steps31]

Great work, and thanks for posting.
I think it's important for some of us to see progress like this to give us hope

[SunandMoon]

Great post theuproar!

It's wonderful seeing the changes both in ourselves and our partners when we use the skills taught here.

Keep growing! 

[itsmeSnap]

that is, there's a huge internal dialogue for pwBPD that we aren't always aware of, and it often involves extreme self-deprecation.  I'm viewing this as a step toward her getting better.

Its difficult because often they have a hard time expressing it.

My (ex)gf also told me similar things about her inner world, how she feared we'd be chaos or that her moods would drive us apart (it did).

Good to hear you're in a better place yourself uproar, hopefully you won't fall off the radar since things are starting to get good, lots of people (myself included) could use some more feedback on what works! (especially like, as you noticed, the stories are quite similar across the boards)