How to handle rages after separation

[12years]

What do you guys suggest when it seems like a reasonable conversation regarding a coffee maker (possessions) or seeing the kids and he flies off the handle with cuss words and threats? He’s undiagnosed. And he just moved out two days ago, so we are working through details. But he has lost his position in the household so that’s where it may be coming from, and I don’t feel I am triggering... .

and FYI, No one has filed yet. He has moved out after a long time of us living seperately in the same house.

Do I say, “please don’t swear at me, if you do, we will have to talk about this later?” Not all conversations end this way. But every other. So I need some techniques and tricks. I want to hang up, or warn that I will, but, any suggestions will help! Thank you!

[ForeverDad]

That is the sort of boundary you need to establish.  Sure, at first he is likely to resist it, as in "extinction burst" but over time a good boundary should improve things.  Of course, he will resist a boundary, so it needs to be a boundary for you but based on his behaviors.  As in, "If you ___ then I will ___."

I lived through my ex's one-sided rules.  In her mind it was perfectly fine for her to rage and hang up on me, but I wasn't ever allowed to hang up on her.  Just follow your boundary and eventually it should work (most of the time).

[12years]

Great! I think I got it! Now to put it in place.
Thank you, Forever Dad.