It’s certainly very sad how far apart some people’s personal values can get from their reality. We humans are capable of extremely wicked things yet somehow mentally justify them as ‘good’.
It’s just as sad to see how far down this ‘good’ path of our SO’s we actually find ourselves before we come to our senses and say “ummmm NO”. I have to admit I’m still probably on the path.
It took separation for me to see that. A few months out, I decided to try a life coach who works with abused women through a local church. I've been seeing the same therapist for over a decade (he saw her too) and wanted a different perspective. The therapist had told me long before that he would ultimately try to destroy me and to get out. When I refused, she worked with me on "staying skills." Well, the life coach had a fit when I told my story. She immediately said we had to work on why I put up with so much. That shocked me. There were so many other things she uncovered that shook me to the core.
I'm still definitely there though. Hope springs eternal.