I want to be there for my grandkids

[Hope...]

Hello
I got a surprise text from my daughter that she would be in town and the kids could visit if I liked. This was Tue. They were to be in town Fri. This is the first real communication to me since July. I said yes and was so so excited. On thur I got a text something happened to her dog and she could not make it... I was sad but did not react. the next day I did text to see how the dog was. She said better but was not coming and perhaps on break all three  kids could visit for a day. I said great and asked if the boys 5 and 10 could stay a few days.  She said probable not and I said ok.
 She knows I have the room and tons of toys. The boys love it here and usually spend the night and we do things... I did not let her know that but I was disappointed... The boys used to come and stay all the time with me... Last week K my 5 yo gson facetimed me and wanted me to go through my whole house to make sure the toys were still here...    I reassured K that all his toys were still here and he could visit me any time his mom and dad said they could... .I felt so bad for him... I wanted to scream after i hung up... I want to be there for the kids... I am concerned for them... they are walking on eggshells and I dont want to... but feel like I am again... I dont like it... She I believe is using the kids like she always does... ugh.

I am reading two books and reading a lot on this site... I do not want to argue with her. I don't want to set her off and loose any time with the kids... So... I'm open for suggestions. I would like to see her too and did say i look forward to seeing them all. In the past as a single parent I guess i focused on the kids more and was hoping that would help her have a break... But now i honestly feel like im betraying her by even being on this site. I am a Christian woman and believe in prayer. I have many praying and appreciate that I Can share on here. I don't know what to do except wait for her to contact me... I don't want to scare her away or let her think I don't care about what she cares about... I don't know if this makes sense but this is how im feeling. I did get the play room ready yesterday and trying to baby proof the house... the baby is almost 2...
Im thankful I can read and learn from my past mistakes. I don't want to get into a debate about the kids or anything...
im happy she texted me and then texted to say her dog got hurt... She is an animal lover and has 5 d and 4 c...
this is her profession... One of the things I learned was the Karpman triangle... I don't want to be the victim or perpetrator or rescuer... I want to stay in the middle...   I can see myself in that triangle so many times I am  not going back there...
Hope Im making sense...
Thanks Im open to any suggestions...
Hope and Hopeful.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi hope

But now i honestly feel like im betraying her by even being on this site

Welcome. I understand that feeling. For me, I had to put myself first. If I’m not coping then I can’t help.

This forum helps me. It’s anonymous and isn’t harming anybody.

I’m glad you’re here and I can see you’re really working things out. It’s tough,especially with your grandkids. I’m just so sorry you’re going through this.

How’s the weekend been?

LP

[Turkish]

I don't want to scare her away or let her think I don't care about what she cares about.

What don't you care about that she does? Her animal loving? Anxiety about the baby?

If it is the former, a good SET statement might help.  If it is Abbott her kid... .I got a little of this today from my ex after she picked up our daughter whom I took care of,  home sick from school.  The text, did you air out your home? she's Dx'd with Anxiety. Though it pissed me off,  I responded, yes,  we did just this afternoon. 

That's not why D6 was coughing,  but it made her feel better,  just like when I told her I changed the filter on the HVAC system two months ago after she asked if I had done that  Always looking for blame.  Get ahead of that,  when possible, even if it's a bit off the wall.