Coping with ups and downs

[powerup123]

My DS22 who has diagnosed with BPD has been living with us since hospital discharge a couple of months ago. In that time we have had one incident where he took some pills with alcohol resulting in him being very sick in the middle of the night. I found him vomiting, slurring and self harming. He was very upset and it took both my husband and I some time to calm him, stop him leaving the house and get him to bed. We were very close to calling an ambulance but we are both terrified of him going into hospital again as we feel that although his admission kept him alive (he was there 6 months) it also seriously harmed him. He told me at the time that he just wanted to see if the drugs with alcohol made him feel better and that he wasn’t trying to overdose (I’m not sure).
 I am aware that he has also self harmed quite a bit since coming home (blood on his sheets, bloody dressings in his room).
He has had some good days since coming home where he seems like his old self and sometimes he has had two of three good days in a row. He then has a bad day where he spends a lot of time in bed, seems irritated with everything and we think he self harms (he largely keeps self harming to himself, cuts are on his body but sometimes they are on his arms and hands).

What we are really struggling with is the unpredictability as to how each day will be and we have no idea why he can have one good day that can quickly turn to a bad day. I’m trying to keep a diary to see if we can identify anything that causes the change and also to see how many good and bad days he’s having.
As I know the worst self harming has happened at night, I find it difficult to sleep some nights especially if he has had a bad day.

I wondered if the swings of good and bad days was typical of BPD. There appears to be no trigger but is it just we don’t know what the trigger is?
DS has suffered from anxiety and depression for a few years and started self harming at about 16 (we only became aware of it two years ago).  In the period before this hospital admission, he was depressed without good days so it is good to see him have some good days. 
I’d be grateful for any advice other parents have on how we cope with the unpredictability and whether this is something that might improve over time.
Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hi powerup123

I'm short on time but wanted to respond to what you say here:

I wondered if the swings of good and bad days was typical of BPD. There appears to be no trigger but is it just we don’t know what the trigger is?

In my experience, yes, this is typical of BPD. I can think things are going well then my DD25 will have a meltdown.

we are both terrified of him going into hospital again as we feel that although his admission kept him alive (he was there 6 months) it also seriously harmed him.

Sorry if I missed it in another post of yours, can you share how you think his admission harmed him?

I'm off to work and will check in late this evening.

Hang in there, powerup123!

~ OH

[powerup123]

Thank you for your reply, we feel that the hospital stay harmed him because he deteriorated so much. He managed to self harm seriously on a number of occasions and the treatment he had was mostly drug related rather than therapy. He also refused to see us and cut himself off for most of his stay. We feel like he lost six months (but I acknowledge that the hospital kept him alive which is the most important thing).

[SkellyII]

Thank you for your reply, we feel that the hospital stay harmed him because he deteriorated so much. He managed to self harm seriously on a number of occasions and the treatment he had was mostly drug related rather than therapy. He also refused to see us and cut himself off for most of his stay. We feel like he lost six months (but I acknowledge that the hospital kept him alive which is the most important thing).

Was this a drug rehab facility, or a mental hospital? It's tough to do both, and some hospitals in my area will take mental cases OR drug issues, but will not admit you if you're suffering from both.

The other thing is, BPD can be difficult to treat, especially when you have other co-existing issues such as depression or anxiety. With BPD, it's VERY important to have a hospital and/or a therapist skilled in treating this specific disorder. Like you, I found out the hard way..we also lost six months. See my previous posts on firing my daughter's therapist.

Do some research, there are facilities that are capable of treating BPD, and some that specialize in that area. Maybe you can get him admitted to a more suitable facility.

I can't say whether the unpredictability ever truly goes away, I've only been dealing with this for the last three years. But I can say that when she's receiving the proper treatment, there is less of it.

[wendydarling]

Hi there again powerhouse123

I echo Skelley's advice.

The other thing is, BPD can be difficult to treat, especially when you have other co-existing issues such as depression or anxiety. With BPD, it's VERY important to have a hospital and/or a therapist skilled in treating this specific disorder.

I relate to the good days and bad days, it was getting the right treatment with the right people DD made progress, through 14 months DBT my DD stopped cutting and much more, that was in 2016.

From another post I recall your DS is seeking treatment with help of MH support workers. Does your son talk to you about what kind of specialist treatment is being recommended, sought?

Dealing with the unpredictability is tough, I relate to what you describe and I often thought there is so much at play here, depression, anxiety, panic attacks... ….. one thing I did was to ensure the home was a calm and soothing place to be.

I hope your son gets the right support he needs, let us know how you get on.

WDx

[powerup123]

Thanks for the replies.
I’ve not quite mastered the Excerpt thing as I’m on my phone at the mo so apologies for not using it.
Skelley, he doesn’t really have a drug issue, he has only taken prescription drugs but has abused them on this one occasion. When in hospital, when I said drugs rather than therapy, I meant the hospital concentrated on use of anti depressants, sedatives and anti psychotic drugs rather than use of therapy which is what I think he needs. He was in a psychiatric unit.

Wendy, he won’t talk to us at all about his treatment so I have no idea whether he is receiving specialist treatment. On the good side, he appears to be engaging with them, as often his mood is lifted after a session.
I have taken your advice and we are trying to keep home a consistent calm for him. As he gets irritated if I mention treatment, I don’t talk about sessions or appointments unless he brings it up.
Thanks for your support x

[wendydarling]

he won’t talk to us at all about his treatment so I have no idea whether he is receiving specialist treatment.

I get that, the good thing he's continuing to help himself by meeting his support team, he's being listened to and building some trust.

How have you been coping these last few days powerhouse?

WDx

[powerup123]

Hi WD
We’ve had a good few days where he has been more himself and he doesn’t appeared to have self harmed since the beginning of the week. I’m trying not to worry too much about that changing and I’m trying to learn meditation techniques which seems to be helping my sleep.
Thank you for your support x

[Music Ace]

Powerup - meditation that helps you sleep, is an incredible bonus.  Brains and hearts that get a chance to power down and recharge are much more capable the next time they are called into service or tested.

Keep working on healing and anchoring you, and celebrating those peaceful moments/experiences.  Sending  and 

Ace