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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Passport issues  (Read 368 times)
nowheretogo
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: married 11/2009, filed for divorce 11/2011; divorced 3/2013; primary custodian
Posts: 665



« on: March 21, 2019, 02:28:53 PM »

Hi all!  I used to be active on bpdfamily, but it has been a few years now.  Everything has NOT been smooth, but certainly better post divorce from my ex. 

I am currently trying to get a passport for our daughter (D8), and of course he is not consenting.  Does anyone have experience with this?  Has anyone gone to court for a passport with positive success? 
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ForeverDad
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: separated 2005 then divorced
Posts: 18071


You can't reason with the Voice of Unreason...


« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2019, 10:03:18 PM »

I haven't had to deal with this but surely a court can step in and authorize it, perhaps by granting you that authority — either a specific decision or some increased level of Decision Making or Tie Breaker status.  I think LivednLearned (or another member?) had that problem, wanting to take her child to visit her family back in her native country.  I think some letter was required in addition to a passport and lawyers or court helped resolve it.

Does your ex give a reason why he refuses?  About the only reason justifiable to a court would be that he fears you're not going to return or are going to abuse your child.  In the first scenario, court could order you to post a bond to ensure you'll return.  As for the second scenario, if you haven't been a problem parent thus far (substantive abuse, neglect or endangerment) then that claim will go nowhere.  Of course, don't let the children pose for selfies leaning over a cliff, ride a bike down stair railings or whatever.
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livednlearned
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Family other
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 12731



« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2019, 08:44:31 AM »

I managed to get the passport renewed before we divorced (no small thing) but yes, after divorce I had a trip to court getting permission to allow travel to Canada where S17's grandparents live (my home country).

If you go back to court, a family law attorney may not know how things work with international travel. I learned from an attorney who practices international law that I could describe how the Hague treaty worked in regard to child abductions between Canada and the US, and offered to post bond if and when we ever traveled -- this would allow n/BPDx to cash the bond (insurance) and use it to pay for an investigation if I failed to return with our son. Meaning, I went into court and covered all the contingencies that could possibly come up. I focused on solutions to n/BPDx's fears and equally to any stonewalling he might do.

So in one of our motions we had language about that and asked for the order to state I was permitted to travel across the US-Canadian border with our son. That way I could travel with the court order instead of relying on n/BPDx to give me a notarized letter, which would likely require yet another trip to court. The judge agreed but I chose to not travel with our son because the stress wasn't worth it. n/BPDx wrote a letter to the local police in my parents hometown about their character, my character, saying my dad was an alcoholic, my mom was prone to seizures and shouldn't be driving, etc. There's so much more but you can probably imagine  Frustrated/Unfortunate (click to insert in post)
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