Hi fanatic
I just wanted to welcome you. I’m glad to meet you but so very sorry at what brought you here. Life with a teenager who kicks out is like being in an emotional rollercoaster and it’s exhausting and, as you’re finding, isn’t sustainable because it rolls over into all aspects of our lives.
The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way.
She says she won’t talk to us because we make everything worse.
Herein lies the clue!
I’ve a son, now 28, who also abuses. He was a nightmare as a teenager and I kept reacting and trying to fix and to control. He just wasn’t listening. He couldn’t listen. He didn’t want to listen because he saw me as part of his problem (actually, all of his problem). With a better relationship he has a clearer head and is working on problem solving himself. We started late as he wasn’t diagnosed until 24 and by which time he’d downward spiralled and our relationship was at an all time low.
You come here at 18, earlier the better!
I encourage you to read as much as you can about BPD. It will help you stop reacting - the knowledge gives you understanding that something has to change. And that is you, simply because she can’t. You can learn better interaction skills that will help you improve your relationship with your daughter. Some trust is then built. Better limits and boundaries will be needed too.
I have seen this work for other families with teenage girls here on this forum. Yeptheotherone and Mommae to name but two.
Hang in there. Get reading here and ask lots of questions.
Do you have any other children? Also, do you have any support for yourself?
Hugs
LP