This post was split from this thread as it warrants its own discussion: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=108440.0Excellent thread on Drama Triangle, not sure if I am able to bump it by responding to get it out there.
Found this while trying to understand what is going on with daughter 16 BPD traits and new therapist. Adding the therapist was an attempt to relieve tension and solve problems post inpatient stay. Initial meet was self(mom) daughter and therapist still in shell shock day after discharge.
Center offered a DBT group for teens that was primary factor, as she had a crash DBT intro for 8 days inpatient. Discharge required appointment with therapist, so under that pressure/time frame quick decision was made. First red flag was the advisement of a wilderness program for troubled youth in UT. I responded that we were interested in the DBT teen group and was told that it would be discussed at a later time. Second meet was full hour session with new "triangle" all present, focus on legal issues/high risk safety concerns, feedback was to take legal issues and higher level of care DBT/IOP off the table for now. Mother asks about DBT group without daughter present and is told "her maladaptive behaviors would not be appropriate in the group" RED FLAG. Third meet full session with mom sitting in for part and independent part with feedback at end with only self and Therapist. Therapist response to me over very real concerns of safety was "you are the one reliving the trauma" (2 weeks out from discharge) I leave frustrated and self-reflect on the level of stress/anxiety/trauma I have been in for 6 months and my part in the new "triangle". I was aware I was being sucked in to a distortion campaign by daughter, blame shift to mom by therapist.
At home daughter tell me "my therapist said you are the one with the problems" I decided to give it one more week. Fourth session started with a counter move by therapist as authority figure to address daughter first in waiting area to see her one on one for first time without mom present and he tells mom he will follow-up with her at end if necessary. Mom agrees, he requests a feedback alone with mom last 15 minutes.
Focus begins on diagnosis. He minimizes dangerous behaviors and BPD traits, yet he has not inquired on any history. Mom counters with the existing Conduct Disorder and inpatient dx of DMDD. His response was he did not see either of those in daughter and leaned more toward minor ODD behaviors being exaggerated by mom attempt to control her. He continued that she has a sense of entitlement from moms weak boundaries in parenting, is emotionally immature for her age, and mom rescues her from consequences. I responded with very real danger with sexual abuse by adults males/impulsivity, drug use, dangerous contacts/gang affiliations, suicide gesture/possible attempt and her fully and rapidly taking on a different identity are the very things I as her mother must in fact act to rescue her from herself, not a co-dependent issue here.
He shifted then to my inability to accept her identifying with a culture different from my own/expectations. I responded that I will do everything I can to help her, to keep her from becoming a drug addicted prostitute runaway and to keep her alive. He said, we are out of time for today. Following day I was researching and applying the "triangulation" , trying to understand what the heck is going on here. Dad, mom and daughter were at dinner out later and out of nowhere daughter says to mom "my therapist thinks you are a racist". Bingo. I now understand exactly what is going on here and am confident that my decision to cancel the therapist appt earlier was the right one.
BPD behaviors, victim, persecutor against mom, she totally bamboozeled this guy, a "professional" in a combined 3 week period, with only 1.5 hours alone with him in a distortion campaign against mom. Good news is I have spent the hours working and researching this model and know that the last two sessions I jumped "to center" and did not react/participate in the drama. The struggle to find a specialist on BPD behaviors, close to home, in-network for insurance is its own kind of crazy making. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
