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Author Topic: Update/Child Support  (Read 397 times)
Ulysses
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« on: April 25, 2019, 11:18:32 PM »

It's been a really long time since I've been active on this board.  I would like to give an update and say I would like to be more active on the board.  I have started a new job this year and am very overwhelmed with the workload.

Anyway - I've completed my degree, I have a good job, I'm getting to spend time with my kids, who just keep growing and doing wonderful things.  This board has been such a great resource for me and has helped me in so many ways.

I have recently filed for child support.  Oh wow.  My attorney is an incredibly laid-back person - sometimes, I think, too laid back.  I wasn't sure I wanted to file and she told me I needed to, given my salary and what his was likely to be.  I told her I didn't know if it would be worth it because he would get angry when I filed.  She said it would be worth it and my kids were entitled to it.  So I started the process with her guidance, an email request to exchange salary and tax return documents.  World War Three broke out.  He initially started negotiating through his second attorney, who my attorney likes and said is reasonable.  About 3 weeks later my attorney received documents from his new (3rd) attorney.  My attorney was so offended by what my exH filed and proposed, that she filed on my behalf at an extremely reduced rate (so far).  This has been an exhausting process and it's like getting divorced all over again (time, emotional energy, gathering documents - e.g. 4 years of bank statements). 

I feel like during this experience I've been able to reflect on me and on my relationship when I was married, though, and it has helped confirm that he hasn't changed.  In the few short years since our divorce, he has once again accrued years of unpaid taxes (like, $30,000+), and huge consumer debt.  As hard as it is sometimes to think about the family I couldn't give my children, I am still thankful I'm not pinned to someone who engages in those behaviors (and I pay my taxes each year...).
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Turkish
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« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2019, 12:14:12 AM »

Sounds like he might end up in jail either for the taxes or CS he might not pay if there is a judgement.  Or both. 

Congratulations on completing your degree.   
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    “For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack.” ― Rudyard Kipling
ForeverDad
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« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2019, 08:21:54 AM »

I had a friend whose ex was trying to end child support.  His claim was that since his work driving mileage was so high as a deductible expense and offset all his income tax and therefore since he paid no federal taxes he had no earnings.  And she didn't know it was all bluff, bluster and intimidation.

Do what you have to do.
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Ulysses
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« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2019, 08:33:44 PM »

Thank you.  I can't believe how busy it's been lately with work, kids, and legal things.

I just finished reading his attorneys response to my attorney's letter.  Or something.  For arbitration.

My attorney lays out facts.  She's really understated.  His attorney's letter feels like a personal attack on my character (I know...my interpretation...but he does accuse me of many bad behaviors, and I keep remembering my T told me he projects).  He even apparently searched online and submitted as exhibits, 5 or 6 places I can move to that would be cheaper than where I live now, to show my 2 bedroom apartment for 3 of us is extravagant.  That seems a little weird to me.

I hope he doesn't end up in jail (on my better days...no just kidding),  and I don't think he will.  Apparently in this state he could be reprimanded by the bar association for not paying taxes.

Now I wait and shell out more money to the arbitrator, and agree to whatever he decides.

Whew.

Then I get paperwork together for contempt.  Ick.
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formflier
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« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2019, 08:46:54 AM »


Ugg..no.

Binding arbitration...no.  (or unlikely..proceed with caution)

Mediation..might be a good first step.

Best,

FF
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worriedStepmom
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« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2019, 01:20:54 PM »

Is arbitration a necessary step where you live, or an attempt to cut costs and stress?

In my state, child support is pretty straightforward.  There's a formula that is used, and a minimum that the noncustodial parent is required to pay, even if they have no income.   In my state, if you don't pay child support, the attorney general's office has you thrown in jail.

"They can move somewhere less expensive" is likely to make a judge about as angry as it made your lawyer.

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formflier
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« Reply #6 on: May 02, 2019, 01:46:00 PM »


Wait...did I understand correctly that your ex is a lawyer?

FF
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livednlearned
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« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2019, 01:53:43 PM »

Apparently in this state he could be reprimanded by the bar association for not paying taxes.

Divorcing a lawyer is no picnic. 

My ex had a prior marriage in which he was considered in contempt for not paying off a joint credit card he was court-ordered to do so.

During his ethical review (?) it came up and he had to defend it. They get pretty deep up in your business in those reviews.

I'm not sure how often lawyers have to go through those reviews, or if it was because we moved to a new state and ex had to undergo one as part of the reciprocity process.

In any case, I found my ex saw the law as a flexible instrument he could use in creative ways that in the end seemed designed to intimidate and drain my pockets. Your ex doesn't seem to be representing himself which may make him feel the cost of all this a bit more, which is preferable.
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Ulysses
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« Reply #8 on: May 03, 2019, 01:06:37 AM »

We did mediation.  Shuttle-style where we were in different rooms and the mediator shuttled between us.  My exH doesn't want to be in the same room as me.

The first response my exH offered, the mediator told me he could not in good conscience tell me to agree to.  The second amount he offered, my L said immediately, no. I was willing to consider it if it meant we could continue negotiating, but he would not negotiate. It might not be higher via arbitration, but I don't think it will be lower.

There are a couple of reasons for arbitration.  Arbitration is cheaper than a trial.  There are new, inexperienced judges making odd rulings (e.g. married for 24 years = alimony for 24 years - clearly a misunderstanding since in my state that would be about 5 or 6 years of alimony; other was a husband hiding income and the judge didn't know what to do, set it over, and a pro-tem who knew what he was doing luckily decided the next time it came to the court), and my L felt arbitration would be better as she knows the arbitrator and works with him frequently. The arbitrator is legal partners with the mediator.  He was our mediator for our divorce.  I have uneasy feelings about arbitration but I'm going with it at this point.

Yes, exH is an attorney.  My L and the mediator both told me it's obvious he's not a family law attorney, and that he is getting bad legal advice.  I never know if mediators just tell you what they think you want to hear to soften you up for the negotiations.

Our state has a formula for child support but there are many changes in my area of the country and the laws aren't really keeping up.  There is case law and deviating from the standard calculation is one of our issues given our income levels and some other issues.  I know people say courts favor mothers, but in my state that does not appear to be the case.  I know people divorced in other states who moved here and they are shocked to hear some decisions from the courts.

I've never heard of a review for lawyers in my state, but maybe there is such a thing here.

This is a difficult process for sure.
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