Don't neglect individual counseling

[misterblister]

Have not posted here in ages, but I want to remind those of you who have not done proper individual counseling to do it ASAP.

I finally started a few weeks ago, at least six years after I realized my wife probably has BPD (~17 years of marriage total). I was lucky to find an experienced older therapist. I would recommend anyone considering it to try to find one who has "seen it all".

Another tip: I am avoiding mentioning BPD at all. If that term comes up, I want the therapist to suggest it first. For now I focus on my core issues.

Painful questions I find myself asking now:

Why did I not do this 5, 10, 15 years ago in my marriage?
Why did I isolate myself from help, passively hurting myself, my marriage, and my children?
Why such profound self-neglect?

[Sandb2015]

Misterblister,

Thank you.

I know I need it badly, can’t afford it. It’s on my top 3 list of priorities and looking forward to it.

[Cat Familiar]

It sure has helped me.

[once removed]

Have not posted here in ages

why not? a strong support all around is good, no? 

Painful questions I find myself asking now:

Why did I not do this 5, 10, 15 years ago in my marriage?
Why did I isolate myself from help, passively hurting myself, my marriage, and my children?
Why such profound self-neglect?

so how are things going lately? have any of those things improved?

[Enabler]

I love being emotionally naked in front of my T. He's a great clean mirror to look in. He also believes in Unicorns.

Enabler

[misterblister]

@once removed

I can't say why I stopped posting here. It did help me a great deal.

That being said, having a "real life" expert validate me face to face that I am not crazy or a bad person has been a tremendous boost. I did not foresee that immediate value and relief, which is why I want to encourage others to pinch pennies to afford individual counseling, especially if your support structure is limited or non-existent.

I would also note that after a few sessions, some muck inside my sense of self has been stirred up. It seems to be suggesting I've been limping along for most of my life on learned or imagined false premises about who I am, what I was, and what a healthy relationship to myself and others looks like. That looms like a dark wood I am not dashing into until I have more equipment and direction.