15 year old daughter with BPD

[Mom4728]

My 15 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with BPD. This is my first support group. I feel like no one understands my daughter or what I’m going through so any advice would be helpful. We have been in therapy and family therapy and multiple other services but to find someone who really understands is very rare

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello mom

I am both happy to meet you and sorry for what brought you here. You have come to the right place. People here DO understand what you are going through because we are all foing through something similar ourselves. Please share anything you are comfortable sharing. How did your daughter's diagnosis come about? Does she accept it as valid? What is your biggest concern right now?

[Mom4728]

We have struggled with her basically since 3rd grade. She just recently had a phyc eval because her therapist saw a lot of BPD traits with her. My main concern right now is you can never talk to her she flips about anything you say everyone hates her or we are against her. We are in and out of hospital stays due to her being suicidal or cutting herself and she can be very charming and sweet so people don’t always understand. She’s down to half a day at school because she was always suspended or in fights with everyone she comes in contact with    I’m just really exhausted with the fighting and tip toeing. She doesn’t have anyone really because friends last a couple weeks so I feel it’s all on me I don’t want her to feel alone but it’s draining me and putting a lot of stain on my other kids and my marriage.

[FaithHopeLove]

You really do have a lot on your plate. I am so sorry. In the midst of trying to care for your daughter are you taking time to care for yourself as well? Many of us, myself included, have found it is good to have our own therapists. Is that an option for you? Hugs

[Mom4728]

I mainly use her therapist. She helps me a lot. I talk with her because she knows my daughter pretty well so she knows what I go through. What are some discipline things you use without causing a complete meltdown?

[FaithHopeLove]

It is good you have someone to talk to face.to face. My son is 24 and lives on his own so we don't discipline him at this point. When he was growing up we knew he had ADHD but not BPD so I am not sure our discipline was very effective.

[StressedOutDaily]

Hi Mom4278

I have a D 16yo who also was dx BPD.  We have also struggled with her behavior since she was in elementary school.  She was dx then with ADHD, anxiety and ODD.    Some things that are helping us - we found a DBT practice that works with families.   My D has her own T, my husband and I see another T in the practice for skills training and support.   I know that DBT practices are difficult to find.   

We also signed up for Family Connections and just completed the intensive weekend program.  Here is the link to sign up... https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org/family-connections/
The program typically is a 12 week in-person or telephone/webinar program. There is a long waiting list, but so very worth every minute. 

We are learning skills to change how we respond to her and it is slowly making a difference in our family.  It doesn't always feel so tense and stressed in our home 24/7.

Self care is also critical...a couple of months ago I started to practice meditation for 5 minutes every morning (well, most mornings  )   My husband and I try to take a walk together every night and we also go out to dinner, just the two of us, after meeting with our Therapist every other week.

This forum has also been a great place of support, information and resources.
Everyone here understands, is non-judgemental and gets it..

Sending you a hug

[mamabolivia]

I am on my journey with my 20YO and I wish I had known what was going on 5 years ago. If I had to go back and talk to myself (gently) 5 years ago this is what I would say:

No threats
No judgements
No expectations
Learn to analyse everything you say before it comes out of your mouth
Get into a DBT programme ASAP
Read everything in this blog for half an hour every morning
Learn everything you can about BPD
Do more yoga
Be the kindest version of yourself that you can be

Stay here, ask for help!

[Mom4728]

Has anyone done a prtf stay? Was it helpful? Her therapist suggested we try to get her into one but Idk if that will help or make things worse because she gets super angry at any conversation about her going to stay anywhere