Son texted again..and violated restraining order

[Swimmy55]

Hi All,
 Just need a dose of strength tonight.  Son texted me as recently as last week  May 6( I had unblocked his cell number tonight just to see).  Sure enough a long dirge of circular talk against his Dad and spilling his business to me ( I have no interest( .  Not threatening, but this is not supposed to happen, even texting, according to the restraining order.  I am going to have to notify the court, dammit.  Because if I don't nip it in the bud now, he will continue and become more emboldened.  He also apparently ordered something for himself but it came to my address today. 
I also have to stop opening his credit card bills to see if he has paid(nope) and what he is spending his $$ on. I have stopped paying these for him, at least.

Last but not least , it looks like I will have to cut off his car insurance because I think he thinks I am rescuing him.  Probably because I am.  I will make sure he is paid through June 30 but will cut it off.  I could certainly use the $200/month though.

His tax refund came to my house, but because of restraining order, I can't forward to him.  I have been trying to get in touch with his Father about giving it to him so he can give to our son, but no answer.  I guess I will notify the court about this as well..I dunno.  Strangely enough, my son didn't text about it.  This makes me think he has lost touch with reality, I mean who forgets money that is due to him? 

I really hate this.  Thanks for letting me vent.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[once removed]

yikes. rock and a hard place, indeed 

I am going to have to notify the court, dammit.

i dont have any legal experience with this...what will happen as a result?

[Swimmy55]

Worst case scenario- he could be arrested.  In this case though, he is not living in my county anymore ( I don't think)and there is no address on him, only a phone number.  Most likely, since the texts are not threatening, he mayn't be arrested.  However, there is a chance.   

[Turkish]

Tough situation, though it sounds like you have good wisdom regarding the RO. We've seen members on the romantic boards file ROs and then violate them when the other person reaches out.  Too bad his dad is a no answer. 

[Harri]

Hi Swimmy.  I am so sorry you are dealing with this and that he violated the order.

I wonder if you know his fathers address?  You could put his refund check in a larger envelope and mail it to his father maybe?

Keep talking with us and keep us posted.   

[Swimmy55]

Thank you.  I don't have the father's home address, only his work. I texted him if it would be ok to mail to him at work and I received no answer.  I am reaching out to another family member to see if something can be arranged with the checks.  In the meantime, my mental health team as well as the court state filing a petition for contempt is the route to go.  It then gets brought before a judge and a hearing.  I am worrying 100 miles per hour though.  No one knows where he lives, he won't get the notice for hearing...
I guess I am worrying about stuff not in my control and all the "what if" scenarios. 

This is hard.  I am sick too, because a little part of me is waiting for someone else to deal with this and rescue me from it. 

[wendydarling]

Hi there Swimmy

Sending you strength   we're here with you, you don't have to do this on your own.

Because if I don't nip it in the bud now, he will continue and become more emboldened

. You've got it.

I think that you are not responding (there was the email too) may help your DS understand overtime you are placing responsibility where it belongs and for me this ties to reporting breach of the RO, they'll have his email/mobile to send a notice (less it has to be by post where you are) and him receive it unless his accounts are closed through non payment.

I hope the family member responds favourably. Might they be able to send electronic copies of the tax return, latest credit card bill, the delivery and that from end June he'll need to pay his car insurance?

Do you think your exH has not responded because he's been also been recently burnt through trying to help, doing his best and is licking his wounds?

Swimmy do you have a friend who understands?

WDx

[Swimmy55]

Hi
Thank you for responding.  His father abandoned us when Son was about 10.  I suspect he had/has his own BPD issues, but never diagnosed.  Anyway his father appears, disappears etc in son's life .
I have made contact with a relative so hopefully I can send mail that way. 

I hate that I have had my own meds increased by my mental health team last week, since I have been just collapsing underneath all of this. 

[once removed]

I hate that I have had my own meds increased by my mental health team last week, since I have been just collapsing underneath all of this. 

it sounds like you are feeling defeated.

remember though, that you need a strong support system in place (meds can be a crucial part of that), and theres a great deal of ongoing stress. we all know what that does to a person.

any update regarding your son?

[Swimmy55]

Thank you , Once Removed.
No further news on son at this time.  However he is in a bad state of mind so I expect this status to change .  I have been waiting for the other shoe to fall and hopefully my therapy , meds , etc will help me with that.  May 6 was the last of the texts so far.  Other relative no help- he told the cousin  that was helping my son.  The cousin stated he will let son know to contact me? Even though I explained that there is a restraining order in place and this is why I need their help . The cousin knows about this which is why he volunteered to take him in for 6 weeks.I have no words...

  Meanwhile I sent the court the paper work with a letter stating son's mental status, the family having told him to contact me which could be why he texted me, etc.( His father previously  told son to contact me about his mail, knowing full well about the RO).   At least everything is in writing.  

Well, his relatives won't be of any help. I will just keep his mail until life changes up again .  I am letting this mail issue go mentally.