violent outbursts, verbal abuse, paranoia, anxiety, anger: too much

[Claro1945]

Hello all,
My adult son has BPD.  He has been in and out of treatment for several years now.  He recently ended a relationship with a long-term girlfriend.  For years we thought this girl was helping him, but it turns out that she was manipulating all of us, and set our son back a long way in his mental health.  Most recently, he has stopped all meds and therapy.  With the exception of family therapy, which myself, my husband, and my son have started attending at my son's request.  I myself have also started private therapy to help me learn how to handle all of this.  The violent outbursts, the verbal abuse, the paranoia, anxiety, accusations, anger...all was getting too much for me to handle.  Our son lost his job (again), so we are financially supporting him at the moment.  He does live on his own, with a roommate.  My husband is trying to understand, but doesn't quite get it, and at times wants to cut our son completely off.  
This is my first time on an on-line support group of any sort. I'm hoping that sharing stories will allow me to get some suggestions on how a family can continue to function under these circumstances.  
Thanks,

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board! 

You are definitely in the right place to receive support and learn ways of coping and how to improve the family dynamics.  We have lots of parents working on the same thing and members who have already been through that process.  Things do get better.

The best way to use this board is to post in your own threads and others and read so you can build a support group of people who get it and learn more about the disorder so you can cope better.

If you had to pick one thing only to focus upon, what would it be?

[Elizabeth22]

Hi, Claro1945

I am so glad you found us. This place has helped me so much, everyone is so generous and caring. Welcome

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Claro
It is good to meet you although I am sorry for the circumstances. I am glad you found us. My 24 year old son also has BPD. Your story is so familiar.  I have been in this group for several months now and have found it helps a lot. Like you I am  in therapy to help me cope. This group provides another level of support and you can't have too much of that. So please settle in. Would you like coffee or tea? Let me get you a cup. Then we can chat about our sons.

[wendydarling]

Did someone say tea   hello Claro and welcome 

WDx

[FaithHopeLove]

Did someone say tea   hello Claro and welcome 

WDx

Chai or mint?

[wendydarling]

Mint please Faith   

Claro, how old is your son? My 30DD (dear daughter) lives at home, she's a quiet person with BPD.

[livednlearned]

Welcome and hello, Claro 

My adult son has BPD.  He has been in and out of treatment for several years now.

Was there a particular incident that led to his diagnosis? What kind of treatment is he receiving? Have you noticed any progress?

With the exception of family therapy, which myself, my husband, and my son have started attending at my son's request.

A silver lining 

How have the sessions been going so far?

What happens when your son is violent?