So myself and the family are going away for the weekend to visit some family friends. The trip involves a short flight so usual hand luggage liquids shenanigan rules apply. The weekend is going to be tough for my W since she is deeply in the contempt zone and fights with a need to keep a social mask on showing the world how she treats me really nicely (polar opposite to the reality of when the friends aren’t there).

So... she’s the only one who has hold luggage booked in and I was hoping to pop in a bottle of deodorant and some aftershave rather than buy those diddy ones to get under the 100ml limit. Here’s how that conversation went:

Me - hey, is it just you that has hold luggage booked in?
W - yeah why?
Me - oh I was just wondering if I could put a bottle of deodorant and aftershave in the bag
W - oh no, my bag will be completely full... you’re coming back at a different time to me anyway and we booked flights separately...
Me - (head spinning with disbelief that she couldn’t be even the slightest bit reasonable about this and see that accommodating me even slightly might make massive practical sense... then quickly got my BPD brain in gear) Oh fine, I’ll sort myself out (realising that this was a dead end conversation headed straight for an argument)
W - you can just book your own hold luggage!
Me - (look straight ahead, say nothing and let the silence do the talking)

I’m glad that I saw the potential for an argument and took abrasive action. I’m less impressed with my response from the perspective that I was passive aggressive.

It got me thinking about all those times where I had the argument hoping that my W might see the smallest rational reason as to why being reasonable might make practical and financial sense. I made it clear that I was talking about a couple of small items but no, no movement at all, the bag was going to be full with her stuff and that was that... no compromise.

If I’d had continued the pursuit of reasonableness I’m pretty sure her feeling would have been complete bemusement as to why she had been ‘attacked’ for not accommodating me. Even now I suspect that is the outcome, we just didn’t go through the actual discussion bit of the conflict. I’m glad I didn’t waste my time with that bit, however it does leave me now having to source a workaround diddy deodorant... rise above... rose above.

Enabler

I'd like to say that this is a new thing... but like the other traits it's been her instinctive reaction for the entire time I have known her.

It's like D9 asking D10 if she can use a top of hers... Instant reaction is THREAT THREAT THREAT ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK. Her instinctive reaction is 'fight or flight' "there's no way that can work".

Enabler

Solid work not reacting!

FF

Hello everybody peeps,

At the airport on my way home from a very relaxing long weekend with friends. They’re very neutral and Ws mask was very much firmly in place so as to avoid judgement.

I improvised and didn’t need her luggage space... the joys of being resourceful.

Lots of questions from the kids as to why I’m not at work for the rest of the week but have to go home earlier than them. Tears from the kids as they’ll miss fun Dad playing with them instead of being glued to FAcebook or guarding the Prosecco.

Enabler