Boundaries

[bethelove]

 
How do I actively listen while my BPD adult daughter is in the middle of a blaming rage directed against me?  Is this the time to set a boundary until she can calm down?  I do want to validate her by being present and addressing her anxieties but it seems impossible when she’s raving about how awful we are.  We have apologized time and again for failing to meet her needs as a young child, for not being better parents.  Allowing her to continue to blame us for everything doesn’t seem to be working. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Be the love
I am glad to meet you and sorry for what brings you here. Those rages are horrible. I don't think you can practice very much validation in the middle of one. Probably best to draw a boundary around verbal abuse and just leave the room until it is over. Is that kind of what you are feeling?

[bethelove]

Thank you for your reply.  It makes sense to walk away during a rage.  As a parent, I wish I could give her some ability to control herself but setting a boundary may be the only option sometimes.  These episodes mostly come when one of us challenges her about her marijuana use which impacts us all.

[FaithHopeLove]

What are your boundaries around her marijuana use? How do you maintain them?