Hard Day Today

[Swimmy55]

Hi All,
 Well, maybe it is more like a mixed day.  Last week I notified his Dad to inform son that I will no longer pay his car insurance after July 31. The Sheriff's office called me today  saying son requested to get the rest of his stuff out of my house ( I had to put a restraining order on him a while back). 
Well, this solves the problem of how I will get his tax refunds to him at the house.  I have no idea where he is going, if he's working , it has been mandatory no contact.  It will be hard to see him, but the Sheriff's office  will be there so that is something.
I just hope I can get through this without collapsing.
 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Oh, Swimmy  
I know that is hard. I am also somewhat estranged from my son, although there is no restraining order, because of some recent bad behavior. The thought of seeing him makes my stomach clench in knots. But you are right the presence of the sheriff will stop a lot of drama. It should be over pretty quickly.

[Swimmy55]

Thank you FHL. 

[Margarete]

Hope it went ok. Sending you a bunch of hugs (()
Margarete

[Only Human]

Hi Swimmy

I believe you will get through this without collapsing. You've shown great strength throughout this whole experience. It's the most difficult thing in the world to say NO MORE. If you do collapse, that's ok too. Family will be here to pick you back up.

When will he come for his things? Are his things all in one place for easy retrieval? Sorry for all the questions, but here are two more: What level of involvement will be required of you on the day of? Is there a way to minimize you being in the same room with him?

You've got this, Swimmy!

~ OH

[Swimmy55]

Thank you all for your kind words.
1.  He didn't show up until 6:20 , but was supposed to be there at 6 PM yesterday.  The police were kind enough to extend his time to get his things ( he was supposed to have had 30 minutes total)
2. He was the same, surly, belligerent  attitude.   ..
3. There were 2 police there, one that followed the son up to his room where 80% of his stuff was and then to the guest bedroom where his drum set was.  The other officer stayed with me downstairs. 
4. He loudly proclaimed several times that HE wants to file a restraining order on ME because he never wants to have anything to do with me again and how does he go about this?
5. He kept asking about random stuff like " she moved all my stuff around and I can't find my book..."  and " I want to say hi to Jack (the cat) ".  Jack died back in March.
6. He ended things on a more sour note by getting  into a verbal altercation with one of the policemen.
So, no insight or awareness on his part.  It tears me up that he probably doesn't know I love him.  But then again maybe he does know and doesn't care.  I feel terribly him leaving the house had to happen this way.  I am reminding myself that in addition to the RO against him, at the time I contacted his father and he set up a living situation for our son.  "Go to rehab and therefore you can stay at the cousin's house".  He didn't hold up his end of the bargain, and got kicked out of there as well.  So I really did try, while keeping me and him safe.  I guess the good thing is that we are both alive, uninjured, and I am not in terror anymore in my own home.  And he did do the adult thing by getting most of his stuff out last night. So there's that. I am terribly concerned for his mental state though to the point of getting physically ill.  I am going to therapy tomorrow.  Thank you all for being here.

[Only Human]

Hi Swimmy

I'll bet you're glad that's over, huh? It sounds like the police really had the process down - one officer staying close would certainly help me to feel safe.

So I really did try, while keeping me and him safe.

I think we all look for "proof" that we did everything we could.

I am not in terror anymore in my own home

I say, here's your "proof," Swimmy.

I'm sorry to hear you are physically ill worrying about DS's mental state and hope you find some relief during tomorrow's therapy session.

Also, I'm sorry for the loss of your kitty, Jack.

~ OH

[Swimmy55]

Powerful , OH about the proof...
and thank you about kitty!

[StressedOutDaily]

Hugs to you!