Non-verbal communications

[Old Quaker]

My wife who has been diagnosed with traits of BPD seems to have no awareness of her facial expressions.  She often has a very angry face when we're discussing something, and if I ask what's wrong she'll deny anything is wrong.  I can't convince her I ask because I'm getting a really angry look.  I wish I could record her facial expression sometime.

She's also this way with her verbal communications.  She'll respond in a very angry way, but they say she didn't say it like that.  And I can not convince her.

I can no longer count the number of times she has screamed at me, at the top of her lungs, "I'm not angry!"

She seems to have no awareness of when she's angry.  She wasn't allowed to express negative emotions as a child, and I guess she just isn't aware of them.

[Cat Familiar]

Are you familiar with the psychologist Paul Ekman's work? He did multicultural research decades ago about facial expressions and found that they were the same throughout the world. Currently he has a website and sells training packages for detecting micro-expressions, expressions that show leakage of emotion, particularly when someone is trying to conceal their feelings. https://www.paulekman.com

She often has a very angry face when we're discussing something, and if I ask what's wrong she'll deny anything is wrong.  I can't convince her I ask because I'm getting a really angry look.  I wish I could record her facial expression sometime.

You are obviously reading her feelings and she may be simply unaware or doesn't want to admit to feeling that way. The more you try to "convince" her of what you are perceiving, the more you will elicit her resistance.

And even if you could convince her, it won't lead to any productive change; it's likely to make her even more angry. Better to just trust your own senses and leave it at that.

What does she do when she's angry that makes you want to let her know that you're reading her loud and clear?