Sons relationship

[The last one]

My son has almost every trait of BPD even though he has not been officially diagnosed. He is in a three year relationship with a girl who has a 4 and 9 daughters. They are constantly fighting. He is always accusing her of cheating on him. Even though he’s never caught her.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello The Last One
Nice to meet you although I am sorry for the circumstances. It must be frustrating to see your son constantly fighting with his gf.  People with BPD or BPD symptoms have a hard time with relationships. Are the arguments physical or verbal?

[The last one]

They are verbal. I’m embarrassed to say he lives with us. He keeps a job for awhile then he has a fight with his girlfriend and that becomes his entire focus. I DONT want to rescue him but I’m the last one left trying to help him. His daughter won’t even talk to him because of his outbursts. Now she isn’t talking to me either because I tried to talk to her about what I think he has. His girlfriend just s gets mad, blocks him on her phone and won’t talk to him for days. That only makes him obsessed with trying to talk to her. My husband has had it. He is civil but he doesn’t care anymore.

[FaithHopeLove]

There is no need for you to feel embarrassed over the fact that your son lives with you. Lots of adults live with their parents in these economically challenging days. I just asked because you matter too and you deserve peace in your house. You can't stop the fighting but that doesn't mean you have to allow it to go on in your home. My son who has BPD and his girlfriend lived with us for three years. It was constant drama. We finally threw them out because we discovered he was selling illegal weed out of our basement . He is now not even allowed to visit us here because he has destroyed property here and threatened me with a gun. So I am with you in the boundary - forming trenches. There comes a point when enough is enough. Are you thinking about asking him to move out at this point or do you think you can work this out with him still living there? There is no right or wrong answer, only what is right for you. Like I said, YOU MATTER

[The last one]

He still lives here. My husband wants him to leave. I feel bad because I’m the last one that is trying to get him to help himself. We go to Florida in the winter. He said he almost didn’t make it last winter. He is open to reading and trying.

[nevergupmom]

Last One-
Your post almost sounds like I could have written that.  I too am the last one who hasn't cut off my son, and I plan on sticking around for him.  The dance is that fine line between resucing and support.  I walk that line everyday.  Finding this group helps me know I'm not alone.  My son lived with  us until a year ago.  A girlfriend came on the scene, I let her stay one night and she wouldn't leave.  They binged on drugs, he had a violent outburst and I don't ever plan on him living here again.  I got my house back, family tattered and torn, but we are doing ok.   BPD son on the other hand is struggling every day.  He's in therapy and making some efforts.  He obsesses over every relationship and has no healthy relationships in his life, his housing is unstable.   I see him as a special needs child even though he's 29 and I will do what I can so he can one day have a fulfilling productive life.  I first focus on my needs as much as possible because I'm no good to anyone especially him, if I allow myself to get sucked into the drama.   
I'll be checking for updates from you.
-Nevergupmom