Daughter with borderline traits

[Tech76]

Oh boy I don’t even know where to start... my daughter is almost 17 years old. I’ve known since at least 8 years old that something was wrong with her. As sad as this is to say motherhood has a nightmare for me. Her dad and me got divorced when she was was 3 1/2 years old. We’ve never co-parented (his choice) . When I would tell him something wasn’t right he always turned it back on to me. He would say she is fine and that I was the crazy one. Around 14 she was diagnosed with depression and put on Prozac. She overdosed on ibuprofen shortly after that, fortunately she was ok. I remember telling her psychiatrist  that there was some sort of mood disorder going on. I have gotten for years and still do she is too young to be diagnosed with any type of mood disorder. Her diagnosis remains only depression. In April she took pills again. She said it was for attention because no one cared about her. Since November of this year she has been living with her dad because things with her and I got out of control. She doesn’t want to follow rules, wants to be disrespectful and put hands on me so she had to go. But now she’s at a home with no rules or boundaries. Her dad feels bad because she took the pills under his care so he gives her anything and everything and she runs wild. After she medically cleared from taking the pills, they 5150 her. I told the psychiatrist to check for a mood disorder. He ruled out bipolar. I told him she was borderline. He basically agreed with me without agreeing if that makes sense. He said she’s too young to be diagnose with that. That having borderline comes with a stigma, etc. Even though she wasn’t diagnosed I knew that he knew she was. So I know she has it but my daughter thinks it’s only depression, her dad thinks I’m the one that’s crazy and no psychiatrist will touch the diagnosis. So my daughter takes only Zoloft, sees a therapist and attends group therapy. I don’t have a relationship with her because while she was in the hospital she told me horrible things as did her father.I had to remove myself from the both of them. I’m currently seeing a therapist. But what do I do when I can’t get her the help she needs and everyone thinks I’m the crazy one?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Tech 75 and welcome to the group. You are in the right place to get help and support. Whether formally diagnosed or not, if your daughter has BPD traits, there is a lot you can do to improve your relationship with her. We are all learning communication skills here that may help your situation. But first things first. The stigma against people with BPD is real but very undeserved. It used to be thought that this illness was intreatable but that has turned out to be far from the case. It is actually very treatable providing the person wants to accept help. It is unfortunate that you and her father are not on the same page but there is still a lot you can do. It is great that you are in therapy. Self care is the first priority. I kmow it is hard not to take her anger personally but it really is all about her pain not you. Do you think she is ready to accept help? If so resources are available
We are here for you.

[Tech76]

Thank you so much for reaching out. It makes me hopeful to hear that my daughter will someday get better. There is such a long road ahead and it’s hard for me to see the light at times. My daughter thinks she is fine, her dad tells her she is and so have her therapist. So right now there is no hope of her getting the proper help. Right now I’m just trying to get help and support for myself and trying to rebuild a relationship with her. I’m going to meet up with her Saturday, I’m hoping for the best. I just want an open line of communication with her. I don’t want her back under my roof or seeing her on a day to day basis because it’s just so toxic at this point. Do any parents have advice on what is the best way to handle my situation? What have other parents done regarding their children?