Re: My Adult Daughter suddenly shutting me out

[Minette]

Hello,  I'm new here. My 29 yr old daughter was diagnosed with BPD at age 16.  I was a single mom and she always seemed like a difficult baby and child compared to other children I knew.  Many tantrums as a toddler She was frequently suicidal and cut when she was a teen. Ended up being admitted to a facility on a 5150 at 17 after a suicide attempt.  She's a great kid and so smart.  It kills me that she has this.  She got married in her early 20's and the marriage has always been up and down.  She always called and talked to me often and I was so happy that she seemed to have grown out of some of the mood swings and we got along great.  Suddenly within the last 6 months she cut me off and wouldn't reply to texts and wasnt calling.  Wouldn't say much when I called her.  She did say she finally started seeing a therapist approximately 6 months ago.  I can't figure out what's happening.  Could the therapist have told her to shun her family?  Has anyone experienced this?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hello Minette and

I'm so sorry you had to find us but I'm glad you did. You'll find many other parents in similar situations and we help each other learn new ways to cope.

It sounds like the no-contact came out of nowhere, I'm sure that stings. The good news, she's in therapy. For what it's worth, when my DD was an adolescent, her T seemed to be on her side all the way. I felt betrayed by the T, she KNEW all the horrible things my DD had done/said. How could she be on her side? I now know that when a T is working with a pwBPD, it's important to establish trust firstly and then dig in once that trust is established. Do you know if her T specializes in BPD?

How are you coping with all this, Minette? Do you have a T of your own? Understanding friends of family? A strong support network is important for those of us with family members with BPD - it can be so intense at times.

We look forward to getting to know you. We are all here to support each other and we want to help.

~ OH

[Minette]

Thank you so much.  Just being here and reading others posts is so helpful in not feeling so alone in this.  I have wanted my daughter to start therapy for a long time and she put it off.  I like what you said about the T gaining trust first.  That makes so much sense.  I don't know if the T specializes in treating bpd  because my daughter won't give me that much info, but my daughter is very smart and researches everything like crazy so I'm sure she found the right one to help her.  I hope I can also be helpful on this forum to others as I have been dealing with this for a long time.  You start to believe you caused this and that's very difficult as a mother.   I have thought about therapy myself and I believe it's a good idea. I do have a great family support and an awesome husband. So glad to be here.