Do I kick out my 17 year old with BPD?

[tired in NJ]

 :help:I can't take it anymore.  Do I kick out my child?  Do I take the car away and kick her out?  If I take the car away, she threatens harm to me and my home.  My 11 year old is afraid of her.  My husband (her step father) and I are at odds because she's horrible.  I need help and feel like I have no one to turn to.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[LoveOnTheRocks]

Here in SC, we weren't allowed to kick our DD out until she turned 18.  I literally rented a house for a year and let my DD and her BF live in the house I own. I kept food in the fridge, lights were on, and I "cared for her" by taking her to the doctor when need be, etc. I literally mothered her from a distance.  When my 1 yr. lease was up at the rental, I evicted my DD and her boyfriend from my house and I came back to it. My house was torn up.  There were holes in the walls, the entire place was a sickening nasty mess, and we literally had to renovate our home in order to move back into it.  It was awful...but not nearly as awful as having to live with her physical and mental abuse day after day. 

I am new here and my DD is off the chain and I am not a success story...perhaps one day I will be writing about how wonderful things are now that I've changed...and even if she doesn't (which is the advice I am getting here, and which I will work to take)...but in the meantime, and because I didn't have tools and the answers and needed them rather immediately when she was 17 and there was physical abuse all the time (her abusing me and literally tearing up all the stuff in the house...my computer and office equipment being flung across the room, severe scratches to my expensive hardwood floors, ...glass being broken and all over the floor...you name it, she was destroying it, and the police told me there was NOTHING I could do about it, because she lived here and the items were communal property)...so I left to stop the madness, and frankly, the dollars spent maintaining two households weren't much different than those spent counting the losses daily when she raged at me for hours on end).

[tired in NJ]

Wow.  Thank you for your input.  Fortunately, I only have a few months before 18.  I wish there was more I could do to help her.  I'm just starting this journey and have so much to learn and figure out.  Best of luck to you.  God Bless

[wendydarling]

Hello tired in NJ

I'm just starting this journey and have so much to learn and figure out.  

Oh, boy, exactly how I felt joining family here in 2015. I'm glad you found us, you have us for support. Many parents are in similar situations as LoTR shares. 

Is your daughter receiving any mental health support?

You are not alone tired friend, we've got you  

WDx

[NewtoBPsupport]

We are suffering through the same thing. Our difference is that he was in treatment for seven months and we are all completely aware of his condition. He relapse a month after moving into his own place and now we are struggling to get him back on his recovery. We plan to cut the strings as well at 18 if he is not meeting basic stipulations. Hold a job, pay a portion of your rent, stay on meds and go to all mental health appointments.  Sounds simple and he’s done it before but he is struggling but won’t admit it. Also you need to consider that if your state still considers him a minor, they expect you to provide full support and oversight. This is our problem he wants us out of his life (BP speaking) but will not be able to provide for himself. So we can’t let him fail due to state law but it is probably what needs to happen. Sorry I don’t have a better answer or solutions.