Adult daughter

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hello, great site I found here.  The focus on BPD and allowing others to share their experiences certainly made me feel better - yes, sadly I now understand "misery loves company".  The harboring of guilt and pain while being emotionally, physically, financially and socially abused by someone we once held in our arms as infants, is very painful. Who knew they would willfully change into gremlins? .
 
I am a victim of child kidnapping, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse and cultural stripping.  My daughter is a result of an arranged marriage and I was the property of her father, whom I did not know.  After 5 dates I was ordered to marry him or be without shelter and food; I was still in high school.  And this is not the backdrop of my story, because as we know some arranged marriages actually work.  I had been terrorized and conditioned to obey, prior to marriage.  The option to flee was not available to me at the time, there was nowhere to run, I had no documents and I was afraid of my own shadow. 

I tell you this because my daughter claims to be BPD, and if you can “see” it, you cannot be it. 

These abusive individuals have a choice to aid in managing their mental health.  The description of my early years would render me with some sort of mental disorders.  I recognized that I could not possibly be “normal” as I came from a violent, terrorizing and contentious environment.; I was let down by court systems, educational systems, lawyers, prosecutors, and judges.  No one ever asked “what is the issue here; no one cared about what I was going through.  I had a very well-known prosecutor belittle me in a courthouse hallway because I failed to cooperate against my abusers.  Had she taken me aside somewhere alone, I would have shared with her that my life had been threatened by an entire family.  Some of whom were law officers and community leaders – I learned quickly, that my word against them would have gotten me nowhere. 

Finally, I ran away and that was because I would have either became a murderer or been buried and no one would have known my story.  After years of abuse from my daughter’s family, and no child support – Oh correction, a judge granted me  $15.00 a week.  My pride would not allow me to cash one check, the money was returned to her father after 4 years – this was at the advice of my daughter’s aunt, an officer of law and the judge granted me $15.00, [Note] this was in an urban city. 

I am writing my journel but I wanted to tell each of YOU that suffering at the hands of your adult children, after you have given your best years, energy and time and effort is your own suffering. LET THEM GO, and – AND DON’T DO DRUGS, DRINK YOURSELF TO DEATH OR KILL YOURSELF out of guilt, these types of children will laugh at your demise.   

My story above would make me classified crazy and I found a way to make every effort not to victimize the people that did extend love me. 
If I can live through a storm of pain and anguish and still have love in my heart, anyone can at least make an effort.  I searched for help, I could not find help in, but some people have religion.  I found help in learning about myself and looking deep inside, I found it in some books, college classes, and a host of therapist.  I not only read about self-care, I practiced and I did it each day until I was no longer at risk for losing my mind.  I literally use to wake up each morning hoping this was not the day I would lose my mind and harm myself or someone else. 
If my dysfunction was genetic, inherited, innate, environmental or imaginary I went looking for someone to help me.  I saw countless mental health professionals, I examined all denominations of religious beliefs in vain, but I was determined to repair ME!  I learned the hard way that finding a therapist was just like buy a pair of shoes; you must find the one that fits.  More importantly, I had to look at myself I had my own dysfunctions as well. 
If your children wanted to get help they would.  After constant years of abuse from my daughter (Let me say I was not perfect mother, but I do know that I tried and I looked for ways to improve my parenting skills) I have made a heavy decision never be around her alone – because she is pure venomous towards me, without blinking an eye she can lie to me, scam me out of money, make fun of my misfortune of being a survivor of sexual assault, and each encounter with her escalates and I do believe she could easily harm me – and I would allow it because I could never hurt my own child. 
I recall in one of my therapy sessions after a physical attack by her father (in which my protective got me arrested) and his sisters the judge asked me “why did I walk into trouble?”  I was annoyed at him, but then as I walked out of the courthouse, I thought, the judge is right, I had been walking into the fire. 
We have a high degree of people in prison, because they DID NOT WALK AWAY.  I could feel the rage building within myself, I had learned not to allow words to hurt me, but I feared snapping one day because physical abuse was not a dysfunction I could handle. The turning point was when her father punched me in the temple of my head while I was sleeping and then tried to say I took pills to kill myself. 
I do not miss the YELLING, SCREAMING, laughing at me – the last time I spoke to my daughter she told me to $uck off! And I did it, I finally did it.  Thank you for sharing, it made me feel a lot better.

feel free to contact me anytime

[WalksFarWoman]

Hello, great site I found here.  The focus on BPD and allowing others to share their experiences certainly made me feel better - yes, sadly I now understand "misery loves company".  The harboring of guilt and pain while being emotionally, physically, financially and socially abused by someone we once held in our arms as infants, is very painful. Who knew they would willfully change into gremlins? .
 
I am a victim of child kidnapping, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse and cultural stripping.  My daughter is a result of an arranged marriage and I was the property of her father, whom I did not know.  After 5 dates I was ordered to marry him or be without shelter and food; I was still in high school.  And this is not the backdrop of my story, because as we know some arranged marriages actually work.  I had been terrorized and conditioned to obey, prior to marriage.  The option to flee was not available to me at the time, there was nowhere to run, I had no documents and I was afraid of my own shadow. 

I tell you this because my daughter claims to be BPD, and if you can “see” it, you cannot be it. 

These abusive individuals have a choice to aid in managing their mental health.  The description of my early years would render me with some sort of mental disorders.  I recognized that I could not possibly be “normal” as I came from a violent, terrorizing and contentious environment.; I was let down by court systems, educational systems, lawyers, prosecutors, and judges.  No one ever asked “what is the issue here; no one cared about what I was going through.  I had a very well-known prosecutor belittle me in a courthouse hallway because I failed to cooperate against my abusers.  Had she taken me aside somewhere alone, I would have shared with her that my life had been threatened by an entire family.  Some of whom were law officers and community leaders – I learned quickly, that my word against them would have gotten me nowhere. 

Finally, I ran away and that was because I would have either became a murderer or been buried and no one would have known my story.  After years of abuse from my daughter’s family, and no child support – Oh correction, a judge granted me  $15.00 a week.  My pride would not allow me to cash one check, the money was returned to her father after 4 years – this was at the advice of my daughter’s aunt, an officer of law and the judge granted me $15.00, [Note] this was in an urban city. 

I am writing my journel but I wanted to tell each of YOU that suffering at the hands of your adult children, after you have given your best years, energy and time and effort is your own suffering. LET THEM GO, and – AND DON’T DO DRUGS, DRINK YOURSELF TO DEATH OR KILL YOURSELF out of guilt, these types of children will laugh at your demise.   

My story above would make me classified crazy and I found a way to make every effort not to victimize the people that did extend love me. 
If I can live through a storm of pain and anguish and still have love in my heart, anyone can at least make an effort.  I searched for help, I could not find help in, but some people have religion.  I found help in learning about myself and looking deep inside, I found it in some books, college classes, and a host of therapist.  I not only read about self-care, I practiced and I did it each day until I was no longer at risk for losing my mind.  I literally use to wake up each morning hoping this was not the day I would lose my mind and harm myself or someone else. 
If my dysfunction was genetic, inherited, innate, environmental or imaginary I went looking for someone to help me.  I saw countless mental health professionals, I examined all denominations of religious beliefs in vain, but I was determined to repair ME!  I learned the hard way that finding a therapist was just like buy a pair of shoes; you must find the one that fits.  More importantly, I had to look at myself I had my own dysfunctions as well. 
If your children wanted to get help they would.  After constant years of abuse from my daughter (Let me say I was not perfect mother, but I do know that I tried and I looked for ways to improve my parenting skills) I have made a heavy decision never be around her alone – because she is pure venomous towards me, without blinking an eye she can lie to me, scam me out of money, make fun of my misfortune of being a survivor of sexual assault, and each encounter with her escalates and I do believe she could easily harm me – and I would allow it because I could never hurt my own child. 
I recall in one of my therapy sessions after a physical attack by her father (in which my protective got me arrested) and his sisters the judge asked me “why did I walk into trouble?”  I was annoyed at him, but then as I walked out of the courthouse, I thought, the judge is right, I had been walking into the fire. 
We have a high degree of people in prison, because they DID NOT WALK AWAY.  I could feel the rage building within myself, I had learned not to allow words to hurt me, but I feared snapping one day because physical abuse was not a dysfunction I could handle. The turning point was when her father punched me in the temple of my head while I was sleeping and then tried to say I took pills to kill myself. 
I do not miss the YELLING, SCREAMING, laughing at me – the last time I spoke to my daughter she told me to $uck off! And I did it, I finally did it.  Thank you for sharing, it made me feel a lot better.

feel free to contact me anytime

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello WalksFarWoman
Welcome to the group! I am glad you are here. Your name seems perfect for you. You have walked far and your story breaks my heart. I can't even imagine the pain you have gone through already and then to have a mentally ill child to contend with on top of it must be so painful. This is a safe space to vent so have at it any time. We get it. I don't know if this is helpful or not, but I don't think our BPD children do what they do deliberately. I think they are driven by their pain to do awful things to the people close to them. Nonetheless it is hurtful and I don't blame you for wanting to put space between you and your daughter, at least for now. Is there something else we can help you with at this point ?
hugs
Faith