Need help - referral - suggestions

[Invested]

Hello All,

It has been a while as a whirlwind of new drama came up that took my attention. I am sorry.

My HFBPD wife has decided it time to divorce and that she has retained an attorney. Though I shared with her my sadness and regret and my commitment to our marriage the weight for her is just too much. Last year threats were made to my son by an older uncle and I called it out and insisted on accountability for the safety of all children. This was the last straw for her. She sees this as a threat to him and her family of origin and so she finally made the black/white decision to end out marriage. I explained she can have both - her family of origin (as dysfunctional it is - history of sexual abuse in family by Uncle that led to significant jail time and shame for 40 years!) and her beautiful nuclear family here today - 3 wonderful men (2 boys!),

So, does anyone have a referral to an attorney who specializes in BPD / NPD, or PD experience in NC? Specifically in Durham, NC? I need support as she progresses along whatever path she takes.

Very sad day indeed, two sons, wonderful young men, so much work for so long, 20 years. It is what it is, I accept her decision, will always do the right thing with honesty and integrity that I believe I always have. Do need some support though. Wow!


Thank you all,


Invested.

[kells76]

Hi Invested;

You're in the right place for support! I've needed (& still need) a lot, and this is a great place for help and feedback.

Have you heard of avvo.com or expertlaw.com? I believe they're both message board type sites. Expertlaw you do need an account to post (I think). Try asking folks there about lawyers experienced with high conflict divorces in your town.

Do you have any coworkers who've been through a divorce? If you feel comfortable, ask who they used -- that's how my husband and I found our L (lawyer).

Calling is always free, and often the L or receptionist can answer some questions over the phone. Whoever you contact will probably take down your name and your W's (wife's) name -- then she can't use them as her L (conflict of interest).

You can get a list of 2-4 names and set up some initial consultations, whic may be anywhere from free to a couple hundred bucks. Ask if the L is experienced with high conflict divorces and/or PD's (personality disorders).

You don't have to go with the first L you meet (unless you really have a good experience). It's ok to "comparison shop" to find a L who really gets your situation. We met with 2 and though 1 was cheaper, the other 1 was hands down way more in tune with the issues that my husband's ex was showing.

Let us know how else we can help!

Cheers;

kells76

[worriedStepmom]

My H found a lawyer by googling "high conflict child custody lawyer".   We explained the situation to her and asked what experience she had with people who acted in this way.

[Invested]

Kells76, Worried StepMom, thank you for taking the time to respond. Means a lot to me.

[MeandThee29]

Yes, you want someone experienced with high conflict divorce. That's what you should ask about when you start inviewing. I did three although I had consulted another attorney earlier that I ruled out when the time came. I met my attorney at a divorce seminar. I was pretty sure he was the one then, but I did due diligence and talked to others. I wanted someone that was prepared to go to court, but could also negotiate to avoid court. Mine also does collaborative divorce, which is an option that some people in our situation finds works.

Even if it goes pretty smoothly, you want those capabilities ready.

[GaGrl]

Invested, there is a law firm has in Pensacola, Florida that specializes in what they term "father's rights." Maybe in addition to " high conflict divorce" you could also search for North Carolina "father's rights" firms.