Here we go again/ pregnant with bff's boyfriend and miscarraige

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi everyone,
Its been 9 weeks since I posted and its all kicking off again.

My dtr has been sliding since stopping her meds..I was supportive of her coming off as I had forgotten how much worse things could get. She is morbidly obese so I tried to support her as the pills were a factor in the weight gain.

Whatever I say is wrong and insensitive. Whatever I do is wrong and never enough. My Grandchild though adores me.

She went out and met the boyfriend of one of the best friends who also is the brother of her new bff. I have been kept away from this girl so I know she is splitting as far as I am concerned..Then she starts tearing down the best friend..She likes the boy. He makes a move on my dtr..She doesnt care about the girl code which is how she fell pregnant 8 yrs ago

Meanwhile I babysit the child when she says she needs to work only for it to quickly escalate to handing me the child and the dog at 4pm as I leave my office actually outside of my office and not return until Sunday! I work 40 hrs a week, have Lupus and. broken toe which wont heal.

She slept with this man even though he is still seeing her poor unsuspecting friend.

She told me Friday she's had a miscarraige. She has known since Tuesday she was pregnant and didn't tell me in case I talked her out of an abortion. She only told because I asked why she was being so weird.

Saturday I am babysitting and she's an emotional wreck she tells me shes not dealing with the miscarraige . Everyone knows! All the school Mums know, all the friends. Not the one whos boyfriend it is though. I say nothing except Im sorry as I know her not telling me means she's splitting as far as I go. I took the child and the dog all weekend . She has been drunk all last week she says .

Now she says that she doesn't understand how I can be so cold. How can I not see the pain she is going through.? I only found out Friday evening and I had the child and the dog before I knew it.

I explained that she told me that she had an apt for an abortion so Im a bit confused and its a lot to take in. She is rooting for a fight.

I can see I have been manoeuvred into the villan of the piece for saying very little.

The child tells me she thinks that she's been bad because her Mother has been short with her all week. Poor kid has had junk food and been sidelined in this drama.



I have to be overly demonstrative and play up to this victimhood and I can't do it anymore.

She was 2 weeks late. The man never called her again and is still with her friend. She doesn't want a child.She had organised the Consultation for an abortion.

All I said was that looking at the bigger picture she hasn't had to go through an abortion which is such a trauma and that was all.

I have been so careful but not careful enough it seems.

I got a response to me saying look I am sorry you're going through this. You seem so off with me I am unsure how to be with you.

"Well I will never mention this again! How can me having a miscarraige end up being all about you?"

Its only Monday now and driving home it all sinks in..I feel so angry with her.

We have been from crisis to crisis. The bankruptcy just calmed down and now this.
The friend will no doubt find out and so it goes.

Its a repeating pattern, almost exactly the same as when she had my Grandchild.

I am so exhausted 

[Blueskyday]

Hi everyone,
Its been 9 weeks since I posted and its all kicking off again.

My dtr has been sliding since stopping her meds..I was supportive of her coming off as I had forgotten how much worse things could get. She is morbidly obese so I tried to support her as the pills were a factor in the weight gain.

Whatever I say is wrong and insensitive. Whatever I do is wrong and never enough. My Grandchild though adores me.

She went out and met the boyfriend of one of the best friends who also is the brother of her new bff. I have been kept away from this girl so I know she is splitting as far as I am concerned..Then she starts tearing down the best friend..She likes the boy. He makes a move on my dtr..She doesnt care about the girl code which is how she fell pregnant 8 yrs ago

Meanwhile I babysit the child when she says she needs to work only for it to quickly escalate to handing me the child and the dog at 4pm as I leave my office actually outside of my office and not return until Sunday! I work 40 hrs a week, have Lupus and. broken toe which wont heal.

She slept with this man even though he is still seeing her poor unsuspecting friend.

She told me Friday she's had a miscarraige. She has known since Tuesday she was pregnant and didn't tell me in case I talked her out of an abortion. She only told because I asked why she was being so weird.

Saturday I am babysitting and she's an emotional wreck she tells me shes not dealing with the miscarraige . Everyone knows! All the school Mums know, all the friends. Not the one whos boyfriend it is though. I say nothing except Im sorry as I know her not telling me means she's splitting as far as I go. I took the child and the dog all weekend . She has been drunk all last week she says .

Now she says that she doesn't understand how I can be so cold. How can I not see the pain she is going through.? I only found out Friday evening and I had the child and the dog before I knew it.

I explained that she told me that she had an apt for an abortion so Im a bit confused and its a lot to take in. She is rooting for a fight.

I can see I have been manoeuvred into the villan of the piece for saying very little.

The child tells me she thinks that she's been bad because her Mother has been short with her all week. Poor kid has had junk food and been sidelined in this drama.



I have to be overly demonstrative and play up to this victimhood and I can't do it anymore.

She was 2 weeks late. The man never called her again and is still with her friend. She doesn't want a child.She had organised the Consultation for an abortion.

All I said was that looking at the bigger picture she hasn't had to go through an abortion which is such a trauma and that was all.

I have been so careful but not careful enough it seems.

I got a response to me saying look I am sorry you're going through this. You seem so off with me I am unsure how to be with you.

"Well I will never mention this again! How can me having a miscarraige end up being all about you?"

Its only Monday now and driving home it all sinks in..I feel so angry with her.

We have been from crisis to crisis. The bankruptcy just calmed down and now this.
The friend will no doubt find out and so it goes.

Its a repeating pattern, almost exactly the same as when she had my Grandchild.

I am so exhausted 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello BlueSkyDay
What a mess! Of course you feel angry. It is a horrible situation you are in. How can we help you get through it?
hugs
Faith

[Blueskyday]

Ohh Faith thank you. Even those words are a comfort. She has me feeling like I am a monster. I spent 7hrs in the pool with her child Sunday and she even tried to get me to drive the child home.Not one bit of appreciation! The child wrote me a card 2 weeks ago saying I love you Grandma, value and appreciate you. Needless to say she learned this at school.
I do what I do for her.

Saturday I said I may have to go to the ER. as my foot was swollen ans so painful I struggled to walk. She talked me out of it because she needed me to babysit. "I won't be getting the time to process this".  I knew the child was better off with me so I didn't get my swollen foot looked at. She went and got drunk. Not one message enquiring after the child. She came Sunday but said she needed the child ready to leave immediately  The hate towards me is palpable.

Its just another's nightmare in a long line. I drove home today thinking of my innocent little angel. What drama she caused with that pregnancy. I felt a wave of anger. It hit me that this was a repeat of the last time.

 Her poor friend is messaging her saying she's seeing the guy of an evening..I like this girl. She's not perfect but she been there for her. She knows what she's like and she likes me too.

Yes it sounds cold but she seems to be milking this situation for all its worth. I know her inside out. Everyone is asking her how she is, is she OK? I know women who have lost pregnancies they dreamed of. They have something to offer and this is just not the same. Of course I am sad but I am relieved that another child will not be dragged into this drama.

She has Herpes and of course never told the man. She doesn't care who she gives it to.

My sweet angel is telling me Mummy is angry with her .

Mummy needs to grow up

[FaithHopeLove]

Yes. Mummy does need to grow up. I have bad news and good news for you. The bad news is there is nothing you can do to make her change. You do not control your daughter's behavior. The good news is you can change yourself in ways that will help you improve your relationship with her. Does that make sense?

[Blueskyday]

Yes it makes sense. I've done the work. I'm doing the work.I really try very hard but it never changes. I don't think it can change

I know that it was my choice not to go to the ER. I am not resentful about such choices.
I worry about the child so I don't keep a distance I normally would think wise.

I am not contacting her at all. I will see the child weekends but I can't look at her at the moment. Walking on eggshells has become limited contact its so unsafe to say

Nothing is ever normal. She has kept the child off of school for 2 days because she doesn't want to go to the school in the mornings. The child had a mild sunburn which I'm told is so bad she can't walk. I bathed and creamed her up with a special cream. She was a little red but OK.She's doing everything in her power to pain me black.

Truth is the suncream( she supplied) wasn't totally waterproof and she scraped her shins diving in the pool.

I am an excellent Grandma..I just feel so sad.

[FaithHopeLove]

You really are an excellent grandmother, and an excellent mother too, dealing with really hard circumstances.
hugs
Faith