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Author Topic: Risky Behavior to say the least  (Read 109 times)
Campingmomma

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« on: July 08, 2019, 04:01:42 PM »

I would like to scream at the top of my lungs,  instead I must remain stable and not show how I really feel to my daughter or I will never find out what she is doing.  But here I can vent, so here I go!

For 4th of July weekend my daughter would not tell me what her plans were.  That she was going to be out of town and that she would be fine. She is a 21 year old (I say 21 but really she is really more like a teenager for maturity at best)

So I took a deep breath,  reminded myself that 99% of what I could imagine doesn't actually happen plus I was in constant prayer with God.  Because this is all I can honestly do to make it through each day as her mom.

This morning my daughter that thank goodness is back in my house proceeds to tell me her weekend.  She flew to Colorado (this is not at all where we live).  That a 38 year old male she met on an internet site paid for her to come out to be his "companion" (she swears it wasn't sexual).  He took her to all the normal attractions like Rocky Mountain National Park, Pikes Peak etc. And paid for everything.  They stayed in his apartment.   She had told her older sister,  her therapist and a friend where she was and communicated with them during the weekend. (may I say that I'm glad at least someone knew)
BUT REALLY!   NOBODY COULD TALK HER OUT OF DOING THIS STUPID, RISKY, DANGEROUS ACTIVITY??????

Other than the above I just wrote,  I'm actually speechless!
Any suggestions,  words of wisdom would be so greatly appreciated
 
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Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders
wendydarling
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« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2019, 06:55:41 PM »

Hi Campingmomma and welcome!  Welcome new member (click to insert in post) Welcome new member (click to insert in post)

You can SCREAM here, we hear you, we get it. You can free fall too, we will catch you. 

Your DD is back home safe. Sounds like your DD has a support network in place. That sometimes does not include us. We are last to know.

Yes, risky indeed. Does your DD have any insight to her disorder at this point?

WDx
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Campingmomma

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« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2019, 06:58:07 AM »

She is in DBT currently and has been receiving steady therapy since August when she was hospitalized (then to partial hospitalization,  then to a clinic for more extensive therapy 4 days a week and now in DBT). 
Interestingly,  at the same time that all of this was being shared with me, my cousin was in town and staying at our house.  She asked my daughter out for lunch and they had a 5 hour lunch date.  My daughter opened up to her about a lot of things going on including this.  And my cousin was able to be more frank with her about how risky that was.  That it could have been a way to lure her into another meeting that could result in much bigger problems (gives me chills just to think about what could happen).  And it sounds like she might have gotten through to her.  In fact my daughter is making plans to go and stay with my cousin and her family in the next coming weeks.  My cousin has been through a lot in her life both personally and with her own grown children and I think this is actually a very miraculous thing that might be happening.  A long time ago I realized that I was most likely not going to be the one to get through to her about what is a good choice or not.  So I'm so thankful that my daughter might have found a responsible caring adult that she can confide in and have guidance from.
So feeling much more hopeful today than I did yesterday. 
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wendydarling
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« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2019, 02:21:57 PM »

Hi Campingmomma

Excerpt
I think this is actually a very miraculous thing that might be happening
It is, it is!  Our kids need a broad strong support group (outside the immediate family) and this is the beginning by the sounds of it. Building mental health community. We (DD and I) opened our home up to friends, family and colleagues when DD hit crisis and was dx 4 years ago at 26yrs, DD was and is not alone. That is what worked in our situation, it certainly helped remove stigma and isolation.

Hang in there with DBT it takes time, my DD said I can learn, the challenge is implementing the skills, she gave up work Dec 2016 to focus on doing just that 24/7. Building those muscles, that do not feel intuitive.

Tell us more about your 21DD, is she working, studying, friends, lifestyle?

Hi to your cousin from me  

Excerpt
So feeling much more hopeful today than I did yesterday.  
  Celebrate the positives everyday surely does help.

It also helps to stay here and post and learn together, there is such wise advice right here, you can't get anywhere else on this planet.  

WDx

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