Second Settlement Facilitation?

[toomanydogs]

Do any of you know if I'm required to attend a second settlement facilitation?

My prenup says we will attempt mediation, but it doesn't say how many times.

I don't see any reason for me to go a second one. oh and i'm asking this because my STBX-FIL has requested another.

I told my L no.

TMD

[GaGrl]

Not obligated...your L might attend to see if they have moved on their position any, but he/she still has to relay their position to you.

Why put yourself through it if you are 95% certain it will end up in a trial?

[flourdust]

Your lawyer will know if it's required ... or if it's tactically a smart move to make yourself appear reasonable to the court.

It's pretty commonly reported in these cases that early mediation sessions are completely unproductive, even if later sessions lead to a deal.

In your case, I would go to a second mediation session -- but ask for a written offer to be provided ahead of time, so you can see if the exFIL is moving toward your negotiation position at all.

Coming to terms after a handful of mediation sessions is cheaper than court.

[ForeverDad]

In your case, I would go to a second mediation session -- but ask for a written offer to be provided ahead of time, so you can see if the exFIL is moving toward your negotiation position at all.

[toomanydogs]

Your lawyer will know if it's required ... or if it's tactically a smart move to make yourself appear reasonable to the court.

It's pretty commonly reported in these cases that early mediation sessions are completely unproductive, even if later sessions lead to a deal.

In your case, I would go to a second mediation session -- but ask for a written offer to be provided ahead of time, so you can see if the exFIL is moving toward your negotiation position at all.

Coming to terms after a handful of mediation sessions is cheaper than court.

We didn't go for a second facilitation although the facilitator continues to work with both sides.

There are a number of things holding up preventing my agreeing:
1) FIL never turned over discovery.
2) FIL wants me to give him gifts that were given to me. Can't use the word I want. Imagine it.
3) FIL wants non disparagement clause but refuses to give us the clause, so that I can determine if it's too restrictive to sign. In the meantime, however, I'm turning the past 12 years into fiction.

Have a good weekend all,
TMD

[flourdust]

There are a number of things holding up preventing my agreeing:
1) FIL never turned over discovery.

Generally problematic, though you can work around this by demanding that he prove your numbers are unreasonable with actual evidence. I can see how this would slow down the process.

2) FIL wants me to give him gifts that were given to me. Can't use the word I want. Imagine it.

What do you mean by this? He's asking for some of the items that were gifts to you (by whom?) in the settlement?

Gifts exclusively give to you outside the marriage are considered non-marital property; gifts within the marriage (say, from your husband to you) are considered marital property and fair game for dividing in a settlement. However, you might consider giving up the gifts regardless of source if they are less important to you than coming to a favorable agreement. Focus on the end game, not how you feel about any particular negotiation point.

Mediation isn't fun, it won't make you feel good, but you will only hurt yourself if you let those feelings drive your negotiation position.

3) FIL wants non disparagement clause but refuses to give us the clause, so that I can determine if it's too restrictive to sign. In the meantime, however, I'm turning the past 12 years into fiction.

This doesn't seem like a problem. You have a lawyer - have your lawyer write up the non-disparagement clause and submit it.

[toomanydogs]

Let’s see if I can address your questions, Flourdust.

The issue of the gifts: my FIL is asking for cabinetry that was made for me. I have said I would replace it with similar items. Worth fighting fir because the cabinetry cannot be replaced. It’s artwork.

I finally received the non disparagement clause. I would require me to get releases from all parties (FIL & his family) prior to my fictionalizing my marriage.

I know I shouldn’t laugh but I can’t help it. These pethave told me I can go back to work. I’m a writer. I’ve made my living writing for the past 30 years. I am not going to keep all them in my life by allowing them to pre approve my work.

They are crazier than my STBX.

TMD