BPD Wife Suddenly Left, is demanding I leave the house.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My BPD wife came home Friday and told me she was leaving because of the Hurricane. We live in houston, the hurricane had a 10% chance of coming here. She went to Austin to be with her parents. She came home from work incredibly angry. She wouldn't speak to me. She told me "I'm unbelievably disgusted and angry with you" I asked what I did wrong, and she said "You know exactly what you did". I have no idea what I did or why she was so angry, two days ago we agreed to marriage counseling and I had gotten a therapist of my own. She told me before she left that Checking was empty and she didn't get paid yet, so anything I need has to go on our Credit Card. She left, I went to kroger for groceries and all of my cards were declined. Checking, and credit card weren't working. Fast foward a little, I found out she went and drained out entire savings and checking account and transfered the balance to another account. She left me with no money at all, and she cancelled my credit card. I texted her to ask why she did it and whats wrong and she didn't reply.

Today I havn't seen my son for 3 days. I don't know where they are, though I have an idea shes at her parents I don't know for sure. She called me this morning art 8am and left me a voice mail saying "We need to talk about some of the things happening, please call me back" Her tone was soft, but her word choice told me she was still in her defensive persona. I didn't answer or call because I'm not ready and my anxiety is so high im starting to have panic attacks. She called an hour later and left another voice mail demanding I remove my belongings from the house today and leave.

I have been a stay at home father while attending school for the last 2 years. I am a diabetic and have high blood pressure. I am dependent on her insurance for my medical needs, and my entire life revolves around our son. In the course of a weekend, I have no money, no home, no access to my son and my medical supplies will last me about 10-15 more days.

Please, someone give me advice because I don't know what to do and I'm completely lost. I have made 3 other threads on here explaining other situations we've had and this is the worst thats happened and I have no idea what to do or what I'm entitled too and what I'm not or if she can even do this.

[BlindEcho]

My BPD wife came home Friday and told me she was leaving because of the Hurricane. We live in houston, the hurricane had a 10% chance of coming here. She went to Austin to be with her parents. She came home from work incredibly angry. She wouldn't speak to me. She told me "I'm unbelievably disgusted and angry with you" I asked what I did wrong, and she said "You know exactly what you did". I have no idea what I did or why she was so angry, two days ago we agreed to marriage counseling and I had gotten a therapist of my own. She told me before she left that Checking was empty and she didn't get paid yet, so anything I need has to go on our Credit Card. She left, I went to kroger for groceries and all of my cards were declined. Checking, and credit card weren't working. Fast foward a little, I found out she went and drained out entire savings and checking account and transfered the balance to another account. She left me with no money at all, and she cancelled my credit card. I texted her to ask why she did it and whats wrong and she didn't reply.

Today I havn't seen my son for 3 days. I don't know where they are, though I have an idea shes at her parents I don't know for sure. She called me this morning art 8am and left me a voice mail saying "We need to talk about some of the things happening, please call me back" Her tone was soft, but her word choice told me she was still in her defensive persona. I didn't answer or call because I'm not ready and my anxiety is so high im starting to have panic attacks. She called an hour later and left another voice mail demanding I remove my belongings from the house today and leave.

I have been a stay at home father while attending school for the last 2 years. I am a diabetic and have high blood pressure. I am dependent on her insurance for my medical needs, and my entire life revolves around our son. In the course of a weekend, I have no money, no home, no access to my son and my medical supplies will last me about 10-15 more days.

Please, someone give me advice because I don't know what to do and I'm completely lost. I have made 3 other threads on here explaining other situations we've had and this is the worst thats happened and I have no idea what to do or what I'm entitled too and what I'm not or if she can even do this.

[No-One]

Hi BlindEcho:
Sorry about your situation, sounds tough.  From what you describe, the roles are reversed from what is traditional.  Although you don't describe physical abuse, sounds like you are in an abusive situation and your spouse is abusing you in nonviolent ways.

You might want to reach out to a hotline for some guidance.  A possible place to contact is https://www.thehotline.org

You might want to try and get a referral to someone for legal advice.  I believe your wife would likely have some legal obligations to provide some level of financial support for you, so it's important to get some legal advice. She would have some financial obligations during a separation, and probable alimony, should she proceed with a divorce.

Do you have family and friends that you can reach out to?  What's your situation regarding the home?  Is it rented, a mortgage (any equity)? It might be best to stand your ground and don't leave the family home.  

You might want to post in the legal board section about your legal rights.  You could find some helpful answers there.  
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0

It will help to be proactive and start exploring your options for emergency support.  You might reach out to your church, as well as social services.

Hopefully, you are able to follow through with therapy for yourself.  It's hard to tell about your wife and the rosy picture she paints about her mental status and what the therapist really says.  Some people are good at presenting their self as something they aren't, as well as convincing others that someone else is abusive or the entire blame for things.

[I Am Redeemed]

Hi blind echo,
I moved your post to family law because there is a wealth of experience in this board that I think can be beneficial in this particular situation. I am sure some of them will be along with feedback shortly.

Redeemed

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi BlindEcho, I'm not well versed in the US legal system, but I wanted to show my support. In addition to what No-One has posted, is there any free legal service that you could contact? It does sound strange that she can leave you with no money when she is the bread-winner and you're the stay at home dad.

 

[worriedStepmom]

I'm so sorry.

You need to call a lawyer immediately.  (I PM'd you a local recommendation.)  In Texas, once you file for divorce there can be a hearing for emergency temporary orders.  This would set a child visitation schedule AND get you temporary spousal support, since you have no income.   (I got temporary spousal support even though I made good money - I just made less than my ex.)  The temporary order can also specify where the child must live, and it is included almost by default in Harris county that the child must reside in either Harris county or one of its contiguous counties.  This would stop your ex from moving to Austin without a court order.

Texas defaults to joint conservatorship (decision-making) a standard possession schedule that is about 60/40.  The non-primary parent gets the kid every 1, 3, and 5th weekend, 1 weekday overnight during the school year, and 30 days in the summer, plus alternating holidays.  It is getting easier for fathers to become the primary parent.

I would also call the domestic violence hotline and ask what they recommend that you do in the very short term.  You may also reach out to Texas Health and Human Services for advice. Because it is a community property state, I don't know if you'll qualify for food or medical aid until divorce has been filed, but they'll be able to give you more advice.

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi BlindEcho, how are you doing, any news or change of situation? I hope you'll come back with an update when you feel up to it 

[BlindEcho]

There has been little to no change.  She attempted to call me two mornings ago but I wasn’t ready to talk to her. She called back an hour later and left me a voice mail telling me to collect my things and leave our house. I’ve gotten notifications she’s changed the alarm code and removed me from the account.

She called this morning at 6:45am and when I answered it was my son. I got to speak with him for a few minutes and even FaceTime.  It wasn’t much but it was atleast something.

[worriedStepmom]

Texas is a community property state.  She doesn't have any right to kick you out of your home or start changing the codes.  You might need to call the police and have this documented.

[GaGrl]

You also might need to call the alarm company and tell them you are entering a legal dispute in a community property state.

[momtara]

Didn't read the whole thread but first - things aren't as bad as they seem. I know that in the thick of things, this all seems awful. If you two were to divorce, there are ways you could still get insurance (if a judge didn't force her to continue insuring you, cobra and obamacare are available for life changes). Also, being a stay at home dad helps you in custody. However, you may not want to go through divorce, of course. It's too bad she is so erratic, and doesn't keep you informed about son. Don't spend time worrying about what "you did" because you can't control her behavior. Hurricanes and anxiety producing situations can set off people with disorders, even with a 10 percent chance. And as you know, she may just change her mind like the wind again. You might start talking to lawyers just to see what they recommend - some can give a free consult or you can post on avvo.com just keep some details anonymous. It's a good idea to have a counselor to talk to about this situation. Maybe you can gently find out if she's at her parents, if you think there's a way to do so.  These situations are very complicated esp to people who don't understand disorders. Hang in there.

[ForeverDad]

I believe she can't change the status (cancel) of your health insurance once a divorce has been filed.  Before, well, possibly.  If you have any income or payments to deposit then henceforth you will need to deposit them in a personal account.  No more joint accounts where you both have equal but undefined rights.

I believe she can't cancel your credit card.  If it was her account then, yes, she can cancel your card.  If it's a joint account then it may depend upon the company or your state whether she can unilaterally cancel the joint account.  If it was your credit account in your name only then she has no authority there.

[GaGrl]

On the credit card, it might be in her name with you as authorized signer. In that case, she can cancel you as authorized signer.

[livednlearned]

It should be relatively easy to open a new credit card to tide you over until things get settled.

Has she ever done anything like this before?