My adult son threatens me and is controlling the entire household

[KT-bug]

My adult child has BPD. Because of financial constraints he is currently living with me. The truth is he refuses to get a job. And I have enabled this idea for more than 5 years.
For the past 2.5 years he has been living with me. For the first year his child's mother was here too along with the baby.
The girlfriend also has Bipolar D/O. She has had this diagnosis for about 15 years, she is being treated, at times she has had bad episodes.
The child is now 4 years old, and is learning about stalling techniques, when she doesn't want to do something. She uses temper tantrum yet, and lately some real power struggle issues have occurred.
I am frequently the bad guy. What ever I do is wrong and I get yelled at and threatened. There have been some physical abuse times also.
I know things have to change. I want things to change. I want my adult son to live on his own, support himself and his daughter, and have a satisfying  life.
I want to live on my own, and have the freedom to have friends over, freedom to cook what I like, and have my own life. At this time he is ruling and controlling the entire household.

I know I have let this all get out of hand, and I am asking for support and guidance to get out of this hole.
Thank you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Harri]

Hi and welcome to the board!  I am sorry for what brings you here but I am glad you have taken the step of getting support for yourself.  You are in good company here as the parents are all working on coping with and trying to learn new ways of communicating with their child.

As you read and reach out to others here you will see that.  A really good place to start with reading is here:  Who Should Post on this board?

Right now, I want to make sure you are safe.  You mentioned physical violence and that your son controls your household.  Can you tell us more about this so we can better guide you?

I hope to hear more from you soon. 

In the meantime,

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Ktbug
I join Harri in welcoming you. It does sound like you have your hands full
 We can definitely talk about boundaries and self care and how to make your life better
 But like Harri says, the first priority is your physical safety. Are you safe? Do you need help finding resources ? We are here for you.
Hugs
Faith
 

[Turkish]

Who commits the physical abuse and towards whom?