I am scared I have lost my son forever

[Sunshinegone]

I have been so worried for a very long time about my son.  For a very long time I have believed his problems have come from a drug and alcohol addiction.   A co-worker that I am able to talk to about my situation referred me to the term high conflict personalities.  While researching this topic it has led me here.  As well as a couple books I have read.  One in particular is walking on eggshells.   I told my son a few weeks ago that we need to set boundaries as to what we can talk about.  He made some comment and I have not heard from him since.  I worry about him every minute of the day as sometimes he seemed so desperate.   I am feeling empty and scared that I have lost him forever.  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Only Human]

Hello Sunshinegone!

I'm so sorry to hear of the troubles with your son but I'm very glad you are here - Welcome!

You'll find many other parents who are in similar situations, you are not alone. I'm glad you've got a friend to confide in; having a child with BPD/traits can be very isolating. Reading books, learning all you can about BPD, posting here and in other's threads, are all great ways to improve things for yourself and your relationship with your son.

I am feeling empty and scared that I have lost him forever.

Boy do I know this feeling, Sunshinegone  The good news is, often times a pwBPD (person with BPD) just needs a short time-out. Have you reached out to him?

Please share more of what's going on - it helps to get a broader picture so we know how to best support you.

Hang in there, keep posting, you've got this.

~ OH

[LoveOnTheRocks]

Hi Sunshine:  Has your son been diagnosed with BPD?  Is he seeing a therapist or Dr. ? 
This behavior of avoiding family members by going no contact (NC) is not unusual for pwBPD.  Its so difficult for those of us who love them and want to be in their lives. 

Have you reached out to him via phone call, email or text? 

I really suggest reading many of the articles on this board and seeing if you recognize the behaviors they talk about.  Also, many of the articles will help you better communicate with your son, should you resume contact with him (which I really believe can and will happen!). 

Hang in there and read as much as you can here.  Things can and will get better.

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Sunshinegone
I am glad to meet you but sorry for the circumstances. I have also feared losing my son due to this horrid disease. As LOTR said, it is not unusual for people with BPD to go no communication from loved ones. But it is also not unusual for them to want to communicate later so please don't give up hope. Try to be patient and in the mean time learn all you can, particularly the communication skills, so you will be ready when your son reaches out again. A good place to start is by clicking on the topic on the top of this page that says "How to get the most out of this site." Please let us know how else we can help you. I am glad you are here.
Hugs
Faith