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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: My BPD ex contacts me after 3 years of discard and no contact  (Read 744 times)
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 15


« on: July 30, 2019, 08:19:37 AM »

hello,

My BPD ex who cheated and discarded me for another man suddenly contacted me 3 years since the break up.

We have been no contact for 3 years straight and have not had one conversation since. I have run in to her twice and had very random, intense, emotional but brief encounters with her which were very painful.

She has never contacted me once since she cheated and the break-up 3 years ago. Not even to apologize for her behavior or to say hello. Nothing.

She randomly emails me this morning saying:

"I know we haven’t spoken in years and our separation was very painful to say the least. I’d really like to talk with you if you’re open to that. Give me a call"

I don't know what to make of it. I have absolutely ZERO intention of getting back with her. I've done my healing. However, I really want to connect with her just to say hi and talk but at the same time i'm scared it's a big mistake.

What does it mean that she contacted me? Should I call her?
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Cat Familiar
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7502



« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2019, 09:54:39 AM »

What would you want to talk about should you contact her? What would be the upside of calling her? What could be the downside?

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“The Four Agreements  1. Be impeccable with your word.  2. Don’t take anything personally.  3. Don’t make assumptions.  4. Always do your best. ”     ― Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom
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« Reply #2 on: July 31, 2019, 09:00:27 AM »


Do her words ring true to you?  Does this seem like someone you want to/should talk to?

Best,

FF
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