Hi First post here. Married to unBPD...need some help.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi,

My wife and I have been married for 8 years.  She has left me many times and gone back to live with her mom, but had several affairs during those times as well.  I have been the bread winner in the family.  She recently started working full time and a few weeks ago we got into a blow out fight, because I'm not disciplining my 20 year old son to her liking, and she wants a divorce because "she can't live like this anymore".  I feel like all I do is cater to her needs and what she wants.  If I even mention anything that I want she will say "why does it always have to be about you".  Ummm actually it's never about me...it's always about her.  I still love her and wish she could work through these issues because deep down she is a great person.  However, she's always grumpy, or angry at someone or just plain miserable.  After telling me a few weeks back that she wanted a divorce, within a week she came home with papers filled out and told me she was buying a house... I'm beside myself.  Talk about rushing things, nevermind the fact, she can not afford a house.  I'm to the point I don't know what to do or think, should I even try, or should I just let her go...(again)?

[Stillhopeful4]

Hi,

My wife and I have been married for 8 years.  She has left me many times and gone back to live with her mom, but had several affairs during those times as well.  I have been the bread winner in the family.  She recently started working full time and a few weeks ago we got into a blow out fight, because I'm not disciplining my 20 year old son to her liking, and she wants a divorce because "she can't live like this anymore".  I feel like all I do is cater to her needs and what she wants.  If I even mention anything that I want she will say "why does it always have to be about you".  Ummm actually it's never about me...it's always about her.  I still love her and wish she could work through these issues because deep down she is a great person.  However, she's always grumpy, or angry at someone or just plain miserable.  After telling me a few weeks back that she wanted a divorce, within a week she came home with papers filled out and told me she was buying a house... I'm beside myself.  Talk about rushing things, nevermind the fact, she can not afford a house.  I'm to the point I don't know what to do or think, should I even try, or should I just let her go...(again)?

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi Stillhopefull4



That is quite the roller-coaster, lots of twists and turns. It's hard to keep up with and hard to live with. I think you'll find that many others here have stories similar to yours, so you're with people who understand.

You say you don't really know if you should let her go or try again. That is the hard question. Many here have and are pondering the same question as you. It's alright if you don't know. And you will not be pushed either way here. But as long as you are in communication with her and/or living together we can help you with tools and skills to lower the tensions between you and give you some breathing space.

What does your son say about this? Does he still live at home?

Warmly
Scarlet

[Stillhopeful4]

Hi Stillhopefull4



That is quite the roller-coaster, lots of twists and turns. It's hard to keep up with and hard to live with. I think you'll find that many others here have stories similar to yours, so you're with people who understand.

You say you don't really know if you should let her go or try again. That is the hard question. Many here have and are pondering the same question as you. It's alright if you don't know. And you will not be pushed either way here. But as long as you are in communication with her and/or living together we can help you with tools and skills to lower the tensions between you and give you some breathing space.

What does your son say about this? Does he still live at home?

Warmly
Scarlet

Thank you so much.  Any advise is much appreciated.  Yes, she is still at home, for now...she's looking for a house or an apartment.  I would love some tools to lower tensions, it seems she explodes if I smile the wrong way.

He still lives at home, for now, I think he will leave soon.  He spends lots of time at a friends house to avoid being around us.  It's sad.