Help. Should we force 17 year old daughter into treatment?

[momof4girls]

Hello Everyone. Here to listen and learn for now.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Mom of 4 girls, What would you like to learn about?

[momof4girls]

After spending a little time reading other posts, it occurred to me what I would like to talk about first, concerning my BD 17 year old.
The backstory is similar to many I have read here: daughter has struggled with depression, self harm, anxiety etc etc since around her first year of middle school. This past April was her second time in the hospital, this time she attempted suicide (first time asked for help before making an attempt). Anyway, she did in patient treatment, out patient treatment followed by weeks of day treatment. It was recommended to us to continue with a long term day treatment program. However, at the intake interview, my BD17 stated she does not want to continue with programming, feels she is doing great and would rather complete her senior year without any additional support other than once a week therapy. (She turns 18 in November)
Now, several people have suggested we force her to do day treatment while we can. Others admit that treatment doesn't do any good until the patient/child is on board and wants to grow and change. I am not sure what to do. I know she needs more treatment and was just starting to make some progress when the last program ended. What would you all suggest?

[FaithHopeLove]

Thanks for the additional information. Deciding whether to force a 17 year old into (further) treatment  is a tough call. I take it 18 is legal adulthood where you live. That means there is only a brief period of time before she can legally refuse. It is also true that people don't change unless they are motivated to do so. So my inclination would be to let it go and focus instead on your own boundaries. Do you think she benefited from the treatment she already had?

[wendydarling]

Hi momof4girls  and welcome.

It's a tough one as Faith says, especially for those with under 18's shortly to become adults, there is pressure for parents to act. It sounds like your DD has engaged in treatment so far, is great and now she is making a choice, education AND weekly therapy. It is a compromise, she's asking you to listen to her, support her motivation to be well, she feels she can do this. And in a years time she'll be making new choices, decisions. If she makes it through this school year with support of weekly therapy that is a success to celebrate and build upon your partnership. If not it's a learning opportunity for her resulting from her choice, you supported her and can continue to.

A insightful read that helps us get on the same page as our children is I am Not Sick I Don't Need Help! Author: Xavier Amador, PhD
"It provides readers with a blueprint to affect change.  Amador has translating his research on insight into mental illness into a easily readable and practical book. Family members and therapists who read this will find their frustration with a family member to be replaced with empathy and compassion, qualities that will enable them to begin laying the groundwork for a cooperative relationship with their loved one.  Step-by-step methods for developing that relationship are clearly laid out, making this a helpful and hopeful book for those who live with a mentally ill person."

Now, several people have suggested we force her to do day treatment while we can.

It's out of our control less our loved ones are in danger, require involuntary admission. 'Force' is combative, our children kick back big time. Are they your professional advisors?

It is the cooperative relationship we seek for our todays and our tomorrows.

What is your gut, your core telling you?

WDx

[momof4girls]

It is hard to know what to do. Her previous therapist (from day treatment) recommended long term day treatment for my BD17 year old. I also have some coworkers who agree, all professionals.
When I feel hopeful, I want to encourage her to continue with her treatment. When I feel discouraged, I am doubtful that more treatment is going to do her any good and want to give up hoping anything is going to get better.
Trying to sort through this decision with a logical mindset: looking back...we have put so much money, time and resources into her care/recovery-years of effort. I don't think it would do much good to try anything more unless it is something she really wants.
That is scary though because I know the path she is on and it is mostly partying through her senior year, drug seeking and risky sexual relationships. I can't help but be very concerned about what is going to happen this year.
Her sisters don't want to live with her anymore, they are tired of the constant drama and crisis she creates. I hate seeing what is happening to my family and foresee that I will likely have to set some clear boundaries with her, which may include asking her to leave my home even before she graduates.
If forcing her to complete more treatment could prevent this from happening...well, maybe it would be worth it. See my dilemma?

[FaithHopeLove]

Do you think she will benefit from treatment she is forced into ?

[momof4girls]

Well, we didn't give her the option not to go to the hospital when she attempted suicide in April, nor did we give her the option not to do outpatient treatment and day treatment when she was discharged from inpatient. She didn't want to go to any of these programs, but once she was in them, she didn't want them to end! She definitely benefited from these programs and was glad she went.  
But, the next program is different because it would conflict with her goal of being back in school full time so she really doesn't want to continue with day treatment...
I think she would benefit from continued programming. But I think I give up. I'll let her choose what she wants to do and hope for the best.

[FaithHopeLove]

I'll let her choose what she wants to do and hope for the best.

Under the circumstances that may be the best choice. Please let us know hownit goes.