How to get my family to understand BPD

[Marsha mello]

moderator's note - post edited for privacy

I feel alone in this situation. My son is 26 years old with BPD. We lost my other son at 27 years old 3 years ago. My son T who has BPD has always had difficulty with his other siblings. His sisters believe he has another diagnosis etc bipolar. My husband doesn’t understand his disorder, and won’t read anything about BPD. My son T's drinking is now become  alcoholic. He can’t hold a job, my husband wants to support him financially. We are especially cautious since losing my other son. I feel like I am trying to learn and respond appropriately to him, but he manipulates me frequently. I am unfortunately unable to afford counseling for myself at this time.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Swimmy55]

Welcome!  Thank you for reaching out.  I am terribly sorry for your loss. Please post here as often as you have need.  Please click on "how to use this site" ( top of the posts) for some tips on how to read through the information.  I take it your adult son with BPD is not in therapy at this time?  Does he recognize that he is ill( many times they don't)? Please write back to us as you are able. 

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi Marsha Mello
Welcome to the group. You have come to the right place to get solid information about BPD and tons of support from other parents who are going through the same or similar things you are going through. My son is 25 and also drinks heavily and uses all sorts of drugs. It is very disheartening but it is his choice. If you read through some of the posts I think you will see that you are not alone. I am so sorry to hear you lost one of your sons. The pain of that must deeply affect the whole family including T. Maybe that is why your husband is in denial about T's condition. Has he been diagnosed with BPD? I think you are doing the best thing right now by reading up on BPD and by joining this group. Maybe in time as the rest of the family sees you using the communication skills we learn here and improving your relationship with your son they will come around. Meanwhile we are here for you and glad you are with us. What skills are you most interested in learning?
hugs
Faith

[Marsha mello]

My son knows he has BPD. He went to DBT for over a year. That was a long time ago. He lives in a Florida and is having trouble finding a therapist that takes his insurance. My problem is that people say he manipulates us to get financial support. He can’t seem to keep a job,so we try and help him. We are thinking about retirement in next 5 years but can’t if we have to support my son. Such a dilemma. Everyone has an opinion but know one who doesn’t have a child with BPD understands. Advise please

[FaithHopeLove]

What would happen if you reduced or stopped your financial support?