Anyone lost their BPD adult child to suicide?

[Tkeight]

The threats are constant. Sometimes I wonder if I would feel relieved.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello Tkeight and welcome to the group. I am glad you found us. Thank you for asking a very difficult but important question. Research indicates that about 10% of people with BPD will die from suicide. I don't know who is currently posting here who lost their child that way but there are some. What is going on with your child that is making you feel like their death would be a relief? Please share whatever you are comfortable sharing and know you are not alone.
hugs
Faith

[Probiotic]

I appreciate your honesty about your feelings. My DH and I shocked ourselves by admitting the same thing many times. We didn’t mean it, but at the same time, the pain you feel for your child’s agony and the pain you feel for yourself often feels like too much to bear.

I want to let you know there can be light.  I read this board every day for more than a year.  I read the suggested books and articles. I slowly used the suggestions that were working for people on here, which made me feel empowered and strong (enough) to set boundaries, validate the valid, let go of the fear (mostly) that was ruling our lives.  We gently detached with love and our relationship with our dBPD21 daughter is now mutually respectful. 

She went through pretty much everything everybody on here can relate to, with suicidal ideation a and threats easily a weekly if not daily occurrence.  Slowly and gently I detached as her sounding board, while still always using terms of endearment with her and validating language. 

I’m thrilled to say (for today—I take it day by day), after completely detaching financially from her, she got a job.  She said she was sick of not having any money.  She just texted us “I’m so happy I’m working”

She was involuntarily committed to a psych hospital a month ago by someone else.  She said it was the same old psych hospital routine, but this time she said she learned in group that she really did have a lot to live for. 

As we all know, things can change on a dime, but today is good.  Today is 1000 times better than the last ten years. 

I wish you peace and light. 

[PeaceMom]

I have a 19DD who threatens to kill herself at least 3 times a week.  Honestly, if I had her life when I was 19, I would have wanted to kill myself. One crisis after another -an unrelenting tidal wave since age 15. We have definitely wondered aloud if we would be relieved if she actually did it.
These thoughts are totally normal in our position as caregiver of those with the most challenging relational issues of the human race.
I just finished “Loving Someone with BPD”, she finishes out the book with a chapter on Suicide. It reaffirmed everything most of us know. They aren’t carelessly throwing the idea around to “get attention”, but as an escapism thought to stop pain.  It’s a great book and I can’t recommend it enough.
Is your DD in therapy?

[livednlearned]

It must be pretty bad, Tkeight.

What's going on?

[Skip]

I wonder if I would feel relieved.

We have had many family members lose a someone to suicide - a child - partner - parent. I don't anyone that was devastated and haunted. I have experienced suicide in my life and the emotional devastation spreads far and wide.

It must be pretty bad, Tkeight. What's going on?

What's happening?

[Bluemoon23]

I can relate. I get that. I am experiencing that too. Its heartbreaking that that happens. Last week all I could do was tell them how sorry I am that they feel that's their only choice. And then I called the police and they took them to the hospital.

Living under that threat and fear is devastatingly toxic. It can become a vicious cycle.

I hope you can hear that there are others here with similar lived experiences and can relate to your thoughts and feelings.

It's not easy.