I think my adult stepson has BPD or ASPD

[StepmomSara]

My adult stepson was dropped off by his mom with no warning or even asking on or door step.  He was just released from probation.  Thing is he has been here for almost 2months waiting for my husband to get him on the list for the construction work he does.  Despite us telling him to go ahead and find a job in the mean time.  Instead he sits infront of the tv all day watching adult cartoons.  Im here alone with him all week sometimes two weeks at a time while my husband works out of town.  Most of my complaints or issues are minor annoyances that just keep adding up.  But there have been a few recent instances that either Im crazy or could be psychological manipulations.  First one I got out of the shower and was looking for my insulin bag which I had sworn I left on my bed.  I had an appointment to keep so after an exhausting search I packed a new kit and had to leave.  Upon arriving back home hours later the kit was immediately found when I searched under the bed.  Keep in mind I looked under the bed but cant be sure I looked in this exact spot.  Another instant a large tree roach was crawling on the wall by the back door he calls me over to look at it.  I said to get it out that I cant touch them...roaches are my only phobia.  Which he did with his bare hand and threw it outside.  Later I found a roach leg under my napkin at the dinner table.  He had been sitting opposite of my seat when this occured.  He has been told many many times not to go around the house shirtless yet continues to do so.  Seemingly just to see if I will say anything.  Last week his anger at a situation at the bank was barely controlled making both I and the teller visibly uncomfortable.   When he was a child his mother refused to let his father have much to do with them.  As they grew older we were able to establish a good relationship with his eldest daughter.  I remember one instance when his son was about 13 and his mom had allowed them to come for a few weeks in the summer.  He stepped into some dog poo outside.  He came inside muttering under his breath "that dog is going to pay!"  When I asked what did you say? He said "Nothing" I told him I heard him and that he better not touch my dog.  That if he didnt want to step in dog poo then watch where he stepped bc the dog is an animal and was doing what dogs do.  Its examples like this which are small individually but add up.  Im afraid as he gets more comfortable in my house he will start escalating.  Right now its just an uneasy feeling.  But I know hes been very violent towards his sister in the past.  And has hurt her pets as well.  I guess what Im searching for is to know is it my own uneasiness at having a virtual stranger, an adult male, in my house or does any of this behavior sound like what some of you have experienced? 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[FaithHopeLove]

Hello StepmomSara
Welcome to the group. I am glad you foind us and reached out. Your stepson sounds like a handful. You have good reason for concern. I think now is the time to establish some very clear and unshakeable boundaries. What do you think?
Hugs
Faith